


To be so lonely

by moonnchiild



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Fuckbuddies, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parenthood, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:35:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23656963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonnchiild/pseuds/moonnchiild
Summary: Being best friends since forever, Jeonghan and Seungcheol were what you could call inseparable, but there were still somethings that caught them by surprise about their friendship.One of them was the gift Seungcheol made for Jeonghan's 15th birthday party: a letter full promises, the most important one being that he would marry Jeonghan in the future just so he didn't need to fear to be lonely anymore.Another one of them was when, 10 years later, Jeonghan was willing to collect this debt.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Lee Chan | Dino, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Other(s), Jeon Wonwoo/Yoon Jeonghan, Kim Mingyu & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kim Mingyu/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, other - Relationship
Comments: 12
Kudos: 69





	1. Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time posting something in ao3 and also in english so i hope you can enjoy and also forgive any mistakes that may appear in the future ♡

It all started at Jeonghan’s 15th birthday.

With their families being close friends and the kids growing up together, it was not a surprise for anyone when Seungcheol and Jeonghan became inseparable. It was not a surprise for Mrs. Yoon to have Seungcheol staying up for the night at least two times a week, to take care of his injuries like he was her son, or to have his clothes drying on the backyard together with the rest of the family. The same way it was not anything new for the Choi’s to put an extra space on the table for Jeonghan, Mrs. Choi nagging at Seungcheol’s older brother to not be mean to Jeonghan and Mr. Choi treating him like he was their real maknae, enjoying the house full of his boys.

It was not a surprise for anyone that once Seungcheol crossed the door for the house party, Jeonghan clung to his side even if there were other neighbourhood friends to celebrate his birthday. It was not a surprise that, when they were about to sing the congratulations song, Seungcheol was the only helping him to blow out the candles. And, well, everyone was already expecting him to be the one who got the first slice of cake.

Even with a warm feeling in his heart for celebrating such a joyful moment with the people he loved the most, Jeonghan still found himself with something cold and nervous trickling in his stomach when Seungcheol asked them to go to a more reserved place, because he wanted to give him his present in a special way. 

If he had paid enough attention, he would’ve been able to see that Seungcheol was shaking while walking in front of him towards Jeonghan’s room.

And Seungcheol was still shaking when both of them were standing in the middle of the room and he grabbed a folded piece of paper from his jacket’s pocket. It was a light shade of purple, Jeonghan’s favorite color, and it matched with the pink in his cheeks once he looked at the other in the eyes. Jeonghan was looking at him with curiosity, biting at his thumb to prevent himself from smiling too big, but it was impossible to hold back once Seungcheol started to look at him like that, like he was completely lost and had no idea of what he was about to do, suddenly so nervous that Jeonghan had no other option but to laugh.

— Hey! Don’t laugh at me! — Seungcheol pointed an accusatory finger, even if he himself was chuckling embarrassedly. But Jeonghan felt no warn behind his words, because his eyes were shining _so brightly._ — I spend a lot of time making this for you!

And he did. Jeonghan was able to sense it as soon as Seungcheol got himself together and started to read the letter for him, voice shaking at the beginning, hands holding the paper so tightly and it even ripped at one corner, but they didn’t care about it. 

They didn’t care because Jeonghan was too busy feeling tears streaming down his face once listening to probably the most sincere words someone had said to him — and probably because he was a 15 years old emotional boy —, and the fact that these words were coming from Seungcheol, _his Cheollie_ , made everything even more overwhelming.

Having Seungcheol promising him that he would protect him and cherish their friendship forever, that he would never leave Jeonghan’s side and that he hoped they could spend more 10 years together as best friends and all the other things he wrote on that front and back letter was enough to reduce Jeonghan to a sobbing mess; and Seungcheol knew him well enough to prepare for it, because halfway through the letter he already had an arm wrapped around Jeonghan, bringing him close to his chest while still reading everything just loud enough for his best friend to hear, not missing the feeling of the other tugging at his shirt every time a new promise was made.

He was being dead serious about everything he was saying, Jeonghan could feel it deep down his bones — Seungcheol was always too determined for his age. 

And Jeonghan knew that he was never going to forget that day, that letter Seungcheol had made especially for him. Not after the promise that came next.

— And if even after 10 years we still haven’t found the right person... — Seungcheol was saying, voice starting to tremble again, and Jeonghan could feel it perfectly by the way his head was pressed against his chest. He was feeling so warm, so safe inside the other boy’s arms that for a moment he wished they could stay like that forever. — I promise to be the right one for you. I will even marry you, Hannie, so you’ll never feel alone again. I’ll protect you, so don’t worry. I love you. 

_Seungcheol promised to marry him. He promised to marry Jeonghan because he knew that, even at such a young age, his biggest fear was growing up to be lonely._ Jeonghan never cried so hard in his life.

He was also crying 10 years later, but this time over someone less important: Jung Jaehyun. Or in better words, _his ex._

Their relationship actually lasted way more than what he expected, even if six months was not really a big deal — it was still more than what he had with Jaebum, or with Sehun, or with any of all the boyfriends he went through in the past two years. And at this point, the reason why he was crying now was far from being related to the breakup. 

In all recent breakups, Jeonghan never cries because he’s sad, or heartbroken, or because he found out to be cheated on or something like that. He cries because it is never enough. Because, once again, _it was not enough._

_._

None of the boys, as good as they could be, never seemed to completely fill what he was looking for. Jeonghan can’t never like them the way they seem to like him, he is never able to return love in the same way, giving so little compared to what he receives, even if at least two of them had guaranteed that this was not a problem, Jaebum saying that he would be patient, that he would wait until Jeonghan loved him back in the same intensity, Seunghoon desperate to make it work with him as well.

And this same thing has repeated so many times already that Jeonghan started to believe that he was the problem, that it must be something wrong with him, that maybe he will never be able to feel true love for someone. 

He can’t understand it. This empty place inside him that never seems to be filled as much as he tries to.

He can’t understand why Jaehyun seemed to be the real perfect guy from inside out, always cooking for him and picking him up from work, always complimenting him and making sure that Jeonghan felt like the most beautiful man in the world, and yet Jeonghan was never able to feel something for him more than a crush even when they were already dating. 

He liked Jaehyun, but once again, it was not enough.

And that's when the guilt comes in, because he can't deal with the idea of someone giving so much for him and getting back only small pieces of his heart. After realizing that the circle started again, it doesn’t take long for him to say that it would be better for them to break up.

That’s why he’s now sitting with his back pressed to a wall in his rooms, foot feeling cold against the floor and hot and frustrated tears streaming down his face, a headache about to explode inside his brain at the scene he found himself into more times than what he was willing to admit. He felt like he was gathering all the broken pieces of a failed project while going through the old box on his lap, searching inside it with shaking hands for all the gifts Jaehyun had given him, throwing it angrily in a black plastic bag while ignoring completely the upcoming calls from his mother.

_No, no._ He couldn’t do it now. How he was supposed to tell her that he and Jaehyun were no longer together, especially when he knew that probably the only reason for her call was to ask about her new favourite son-in-law? How he was supposed to tell her, once again, that maybe he was never going to find someone when even his younger sister just got married?

That’s what worried his mother the most: the thought of her oldest son never meeting _the person_. And since Jeongyeon got married a year ago, this concern seemed to be starting to grow into the shape of a new obsession, since that was the only thing she was able to talk about before Jeonghan hanged up suddenly — and ignoring her calls had started to become a habit he was not very proud to admit.

Jeonghan felt like banging his head against the wall when his hands touched a little snow globe, the one with an angel in the center that Jaehyun had brought after a trip to Busan especially for him during Christmas Eve, because now, looking at the plastic bag almost filled up to the top with gifts, he started to feel completely helpless. 

If he was not able to love a man like Jung Jaehyun, how the hell he would love someone else? 

He was not sure if he was up to try and find out anytime soon. Suddenly too annoyed to keep looking for new proofs of Jaehyun’s endless attempts to reach an impossible target, some of them he couldn’t even get himself to remember where came from, Jeonghan angrily shoved the box to the floor and was starting to get up with wobbly legs when he saw it.

The purple color was almost faded away completely, folding marks almost everywhere from all the times Jeonghan had read it through the years, but he would able to recognize Seungcheol’s gift without even thinking twice. Lowering himself down to pick it up carefully, feeling his heart dropping to his stomach in the meantime, Jeonghan almost got dizzy.

It was Seungcheol’s letter to him. 

Seungcheol, who was probably cleaning up the mess he made in the living room after coming home from Jaehyun’s place last night, kicking all the furniture from the apartment and probably screaming something along the lines of just adopting a cat already and forgetting about this whole love thing — honestly, Jeonghan was not even able to remember. But, well, he was embarrassed now thinking about it.

He was not embarrassed only at his behavior from last night, but also at the way heart almost dropped all the way to his ass once Seungcheol appeared suddenly at his doorway, looking exhausted to say the less, the black hat he had on creating shadows on his face.

And Jeonghan was still holding the fucking letter so tight that he was not even able to recognize what Seungcheol was saying to him, too focused trying not to think at the way everything suddenly seemed to be pointing to the same thing. 

— Yah, Hannie, are you even listening to me? — Seungcheol sighed, looking at Jeonghan from head to toe with a concerned look in his face, voice low. He probably was hearing his cries all this time, even if it was far from being the first time. — He is waiting.

Jeonghan blinked. Only then he was able to feel the traces of already dried tears on his cheeks, and his heart was somehow beating _so fast._

— W-what? — his voice was hoarse, and for a moment he was not even able to recognize it. His shoulders relaxed instinctively when Seungcheol approached and started to get the last things inside the plastic bag without saying a word, face still in a worried frown, not even minding Jeonghan’s own mess. — Who is waiting?

Seungcheol looked at him in the eyes for a moment before sighing again, letting his own shoulders go down like his voice. It was a little more than a whisper at this point, like he didn’t really want to say it.

— Jaehyun. You asked me to call him to pick up his stuff, remember? — he shook the plastic bag in his hands a little, talking to him like he was a kid. Jeonghan only nodded and looked away, the feeling of having Jaehyun so close now making him somehow uncomfortable. Seungcheol only took three seconds looking at him to speak again. — Forget it. I will bring it to him instead. You just stay here, okay?

And Jeonghan just stayed in the same place, eyes fixed on the floor, fingers twitching against the paper in his hold while his mind worked so fast with so many sudden thoughts that he was not even able to keep up, but one thing he knew: all of them were parts of Seungcheol’s letter, all the words still too vivid, both from reading it so many times and from the memory still fresh in his brain. He remembered it word by word, promise by promise.

Especially the most important one.

He heard the front door opening, Seungcheol greeting Jaehyun with a simple “hey” and exchanging a few words with him, Jeonghan was pretty sure Jaehyun said something along the lines of “take care” as well, but he could hear Seungcheol’s footsteps coming back before having the chance to completely process it. This time, when Seungcheol appeared in his room again, Jeonghan was not looking down anymore.

— Look, I honestly have no idea of what happened this time — He was saying, taking his hat off for a moment just to run a hand through his hair, eyes closed while doing so. He looked somehow relaxed now. Tired, but not as tense as before. — But the boy looked like...

— _Cheollie_ — Jeonghan interrupted, and Seungcheol looked surprised to hear his voice again, both of his eyebrows rising up doubtfully. He could feel the air around them fluttering while they held eye contact, and he was sure he was not the only one nervous now.

— Y-yes?

Jeonghan closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath before moving closer. With his face still red, hair in a complete mess and shirt hanging from one shoulder, a sudden determination in his eyes, Seungcheol was looking at him like he was crazy, or about to do something crazy.

Well, maybe he was.

— Seungcheol — Jeonghan called again, this time looking at him straight in the eyes, but his hands were still shaking when he held up the paper. Seungcheol gasped after recognizing it. — Are you still up for keeping your promise?

And, for fuck’s sake, Seungcheol knew exactly _which promise_ he was talking about.

  
  
  
  



	2. This is not a "no"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey! i will be updating at every 10th, 20th and 30th of the month, hope you guys enjoy it <3

Jeonghan was pretty sure that if the “gay panic” meme would personify someday, it would be in the form of Choi Seungcheol’s body.

Firstly because he was gay as fuck, and secondly... because he looked very much panicked now. 

At least a minute had passed and Jeonghan felt like all the courage he had in his body left the moment he made the question, words flying from his mouth faster than he could process and leaving him behind with red cheeks and uneasy hands. Having the letter still in sight seemed to trigger his embarrassment even more, especially because Seungcheol was looking frantically between it and his face with his eyes so big that Jeonghan wondered if he would have to collect them if they fell on the floor.

The thought alone was enough to make him dizzy, even more when all the possibilities that could go wrong started to play in his mind all at once, a mix of scenarios, words, and faces, all of them being angry or disgusted at him in some way, all of them belonging to Seungcheol.

The air around them felt thin, weak, condensed as if it could break with the wrong words and rain small pieces of glass on top of him if it did. His heartbeat was the only thing that sounded loudly, contrasting to the way he was fighting to suppress all the living cells inside him to don't move, to don't breathe, because maybe, _maybe_ if he didn't he will be able to freeze the time, to hold them in that moment forever so he didn't have to hear Seungcheol's response.

And when he started to  _ try  _ to speak again, Jeonghan couldn’t find the strength to look at his face anymore.

— Are you… — there's it. Jeonghan closed his eyes, pressing his lips in a tight line, gathering all the will inside him to stay still. Seungcheol’s voice was strangled, he could almost hear a  _ squeak  _ as it raised word by word. — Fuck it, Jeonghan, are you talking about what I think you’re talking about?!

_ Oh, God, Jeonghan just wanted the earth to swallow him alive. _

He lifted his chin just a little, looking doubtful. The fact that Seungcheol just called him by his name set him almost too close to the edge, a sudden mix of panic and despair that clenched his bones. — M-maybe?

Seungcheol was looking at him straight in the eyes now, but his whole body seemed to be in another dimension. His shoulders were loose and mouth hanged open, the movement of his chest every time he breathed even more prominent now. Jeonghan was pretty sure that he was about to have a breakdown right there and then.

Jeonghan then started to feel another thing adding with the already massive embarrassment: guilt. 

Guilt by the way Seungcheol was looking at him, a panic that was way far from the disgust he was expecting, but that knocked him down the same. Guilt because his hands were restless and because he couldn't seem to find words, to give him the proper answer; guilt at the thought of Seungcheol feeling like he _had_ to give him an answer. 

His throat was dry, hands shaking even more when he turned around to look at anywhere but Seungcheol’s face, taking deep breaths to calm down his pounding heart. What the fuck he was thinking? What was going on inside his mind to say something like that? To even think like a promise he made when he was a fucking teenager was anything serious now? 

And honestly, why did he expected it to solve his problems? Now he would have to deal not only with the shameful feeling of what happened with Jaehyun, whom he didn’t even have the courage to see for the last time, but also with the shame of  _ breaking _ Seungcheol by talking about something like that.

Holy shit, he was talking about  _ marriage.  _ With Seungcheol, his best friend for more than twenty years. Marriage.  _ With Seungcheol _ .

He had lost his mind, completely. 

And who could imagine what Seungcheol was thinking about him now? Well, at least he could use the excuse of being out of his senses because of the recent breakup, and then they would just forget about it, right? Seungcheol would understand him and forget about it. 

Oh God, Jeonghan just wanted Seungcheol to forget everything _ about him _ .

— Hannie…

_ But no _ . Of course Seungcheol wouldn’t let it go so easily. Even if he was on the verge of hysteria by the way his eyes were shaking, he wouldn't let go of Jeonghan that easily.

Jeonghan didn’t notice that his whole body was shaking until Seungcheol stepped closer, his eyes hurting from how tight he was closing it, chin almost touching his chest. He just wanted to disappear, to make his body as small as possible. He could feel a gentle hand in his shoulders, and a whimper escaped his lips before he could even register it.

He wanted to run away. 

— Oh, _ baby... _ — Seungcheol's voice was just  _ so soft,  _ preventing him from running and keeping him still instead _ ,  _ his presence so warm now that Jeonghan just couldn’t fight against anymore. He found himself gripping Seungcheol’s shirt, crying into his chest just like he did 10 years ago, feeling so much at the same time that it was almost like he was  _ drowning. _ —  _ Everything is okay now, okay? I got you. _

He was still scared to be lonely, even after a decade, the thought alone making him feel suffocated. And Seungcheol was still here, even after a decade.

Seungcheol was holding him tightly, his chin on top of Jeonghan’s head and a firm hand in his neck, giving off a feeling of protection that pulled a string in his heart. He just cried even harder, knees almost giving up totally when Seungcheol hugged him with more strength, like he was saying  _ “I will hold you so you don’t fall” _ . 

Well, Jeonghan felt like his  _ whole world _ was falling apart.

He was just... so tired. He was tired of trying over and over and getting nothing,  _ giving nothing _ at the end. He was exhausted of feeling like it was never enough, he was exhausted of his mother calling and asking about something that was  _ broken _ , that would never give her what she was waiting for. Jeonghan was not able to do it. He would never be.

That’s why he was also desperate. That's why the words flew so easily, a bullet with butterfly wings.

Jeonghan was sobbing at this point, the traces of old tears in his cheeks now fresh with new ones, and he could barely register the soothing words Seungcheol was whispering to him, too deep in a headspace with more vulnerability than what he was glad to admit. He could feel Seungcheol moving together with him  — pretty much dragging him — walking forward with his arms in a tight grip around him, and Jeonghan was confused when he felt the back of his knees hitting something.

Seungcheol was letting go of him slowly, like he was afraid Jeonghan would react badly to a sudden lack of contact, and Jeonghan could feel him pushing his body down by the shoulders until he was sitting in the bed. Seungcheol was still standing in front of him, his hands now coming up to cup his red cheeks, and Jeonghan found himself wrapping his arms around his waist this time, still whimpering, silently asking him to stay close, to give him comfort.

Seungcheol felt his heart breaking even more. 

Jeonghan couldn’t even hold eye contact with him for too long, hiding his face in Seungcheol’s stomach while he hugged him like that, and that behavior was confusing him to say the least: he knew Jeonghan went through some breakups in the last few years, Seungcheol was with him after most of them, but he never saw Jeonghan being…. _ like that _ . 

He never saw Jeonghan looking,  _ sounding  _ so broken over a boy before. And something inside him was saying that maybe that was not just over a boy at all. 

Jeonghan only heard Seungcheol’s voice again when he had calmed down enough, not sobbing anymore, just sniffing and looking a  _ little bit _ more conscious. There was a part inside his mind that was embarrassed for falling like this in front of someone else, even if it was his best friend, but he was not up to deal with more guilt because of his behaviors at the moment. 

Now, he only needed to deal with the fact that Seungcheol was cupping his cheeks again, his thumb pressing his chin to make him look up, the air around them feeling  _ so thin _ .

— Jeonghan — Seungcheol called, and this time hearing his full name coming from him actually made Jeonghan feel more present. He looked up, blinking fast to get rid of the tears in his eyelashes, and Cheol’s face was calm, purposefully composed, his eyes careful. — I think it would be better for you to rest a little now.

Jeonghan nodded almost instantly, but there was still something tight in his throat. 

— I-Im sorry…

Seungcheol stopped him by shaking his head, hands lowering to caress his arms, and Jeonghan found himself pouting. Seungcheol was always affectionate, but never like that _ ,  _ and even if he was not up to admit it right at the spot, Jeonghan appreciated it a lot.

— Don’t say sorry — he replied, a small smile in his face that reflected in his voice. — There’s nothing to be sorry about.

_ He was not mad? He was not just pretending to be cool just to make me feel better? _

Jeonghan didn’t had much time to think about it at all, because the next thing he knew was that Seungcheol was going through his closet just to come back with a hand full of oversized clothes that Jeonghan knew way too much — he was pretty sure the jumper was actually one of Seungcheol’s own clothes, the ones that he kept in a special drawer full of his stuff at Jeonghan’s wardrobe.

He appreciated it too.

Jeonghan could feel that the previous headache was even closer to explode after all the new crying session, this one much more intense than the last one, and it was like little bombs were exploding at small parts of his brain, the pain accumulating to a point where he felt like there was a battlefield going on behind his eyeballs. With Seungcheol now walking him to the bathroom, an arm tight around his shoulders, everything Jeonghan could do was lower his head, feeling heavy with the pain and the guilty, the embarrassment still fresh in his blushed cheeks — because even after saying everything he said, after crying like a baby, Seungcheol was still doing all of this for him like nothing happened, like Jeonghan didn’t fucking asked him about  _ marriage.  _

His eyes were burning again by the time they got in the bathroom.

And Seungcheol stopped him again, a sigh escaping his lips as Jeonghan hesitantly looked up at him, hands clasped again his own body. 

Seungcheol felt like he was about to break too.

— Hannie, I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but… — he started to say, patting his hair softly, and Jeonghan knew this was one of  _ these _ moments.

Even if he was the oldest between the two, Seungcheol was still the youngest within his family and it was easy to tell. Jeonghan often founding himself to be the one most likely to scold his friend or to be the one always asking he had eaten already, or even going further to giving him bites of his own food — a common sight when they were at school and even college — and he could tell that Seungcheol enjoyed it a lot, he loved the feeling of being taken care of, of having someone looking out for him.

But there were moments, not so rare moments, in which he could tell Seungcheol was trying his best to take care of him back. Not only as a hyung, but as a friend, as a brother, as someone who loved him  _ to death. _

_ This was one of these moments. _

— This is not a “no” — Seungcheol said, voice low, eyes looking at everywhere but him, and Jeonghan barely registered it. Seungcheol sounded…. _ nervous.  _ — I don’t want you to feel rejected, it’s just…

Jeonghan blinked once, trying to see his face more clearly, and there was a sudden hope behind the curiosity in his voice when he asked: — Just what? What are you talking about, Cheol?  


Seungcheol looked at him with big eyes, like he was not expecting Jeonghan to hurry the whole  _ panicked-but-trying  _ speech he seemed to be organizing inside his mind during these whole minutes in silence, and yes, Jeonghan was pretty sure he was nervous now.

Coughing to clear his throat, hands hesitantly coming to Jeonghan’s shoulders again even if his eyes couldn’t leave a spot above his friend’s head, Seungcheol had to gather all the courage inside him to finally say what was bagging inside his head for the last minutes.

Jeonghan could tell that he was purposefully trying to look cool before, to look composed. 

The truth?  The sudden request broke him just as much, the memory of Jeonghan crying in his arms 10 years ago contrasting with the sight of him now crying in the same way while remembering it making something string inside him. 

He felt responsible. He felt... _draw_.

— What I’m trying to say is that I’m…. I’m not refusing it — Seungcheol was now looking at him in the eyes, Jeonghan barely breathing at this point. His fingers were shaking when he brought them down, to hold Jeonghan’s hands in his. — I think it would be better if we talk after you have calmed down enough, but I…

— Seungcheol, are you saying-

— I’m up to keep my promise, Jeonghan — he was serious now, eyes still hesitant, but his hold was firm. Jeonghan felt all the air leaving his lungs at once. — I will marry you.


	3. Not that easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan reached his hand in the same time Seungcheol did, both hands frozen on top of the cellphone on the table, moving and preventing together, gaze meeting sharply. 
> 
> They were the same. The stubbornness was a trade that reflected in the eyes of both of them.
> 
> — Cheol — Jeonghan called low, fingertips pressing against the back of Seungcheol’s hand. His voice sounded strangled, almost desperate beside the small tune. He knew that if he was about to receive a “no”, this was the moment for it would come. He couldn’t let it happen. — You promised me… You promised me, Cheollie.

It’s been almost a week since the whole breakdown episode and Seungcheol still couldn’t get himself to call or text Jeonghan since then. It was safe to say that he was still panicked at this point.

But the panic this time was not caused by suddenly being face to face with the cliff, but because he actually had time to think about it and he was pretty sure that it was even worse than what he thought. Not having even one full night of sleep since the thing at Jeonghan’s apartment, Seungcheol couldn’t help but feel guilty. 

Because, honestly, _what the fuck_ he was thinking?

He had no idea, and even after all these days he still couldn’t get himself to understand why his intentions changed so unexpectedly, why his mindset went from astonished from the abrupt confront to the sudden need of agreeing with Jeonghan, of saying yes to his crazy request just because it was made by him. Shutting down his thoughts from going traveling further by using the excuse that he only did it on an impulsive move, Seungcheol kept telling himself that it was only because he didn’t know what more to say to calm Jeonghan down, to make him stop crying, because he was never very good on advising comforting, especially when someone was crying that hard and… especially when this someone was Jeonghan.

_Seeing Jeonghan crying never did good things to his heart._

So, yeah, he promised to marry him. All out of everything he could have said, despite the possibility of simply trying to make Jeonghan forget about it and convince him that he was only asking for it on the spur of the moment, promising to marry him was, for some reason, the only solution that Seungcheol’s brain could get him to do. He had done it in the past already, so it shouldn’t be a big deal to do it again now, right? 

Yes, except for the fact that they were fucking _kids_ when Seungcheol wrote that letter.

 _The letter that Jeonghan kept until this day_. God, how the fuck he was supposed to process it all at once?

Promising to marry him was not the biggest issue — _except that it was_ —, but the thing that he couldn’t stop thinking about was that face, that _desperate voice_ coming from Jeonghan when he asked if Seungcheol was still up for his promise, and even worse: the fact that he looked at peace when he got an affirmative answer.

It was like Seungcheol had just given him a solution to all his problems, but… which problems exactly? And why didn’t Seungcheol know about them even if they were best friends? What could be so big that Jeonghan kept away from him? 

And, fuck it, how a marriage between them would solve it all?

He was dangerously close to finding white hair before turning 30 at this point.

Seungcheol couldn’t get himself to remember the last time he was this worried about something that was not how he was going to pay his rent, or how many days that slice of pizza laid in his refrigerator before him just shoving it down his throat anyway before running for another day of work, and thinking like that made a tight knot clench inside of him out of pure guilt, hitting exactly in what probably was the answer of all of this.

What if he was so busy worrying about his own problems that he forgot with Jeonghan? What if Jeonghan was feeling neglected as a friend, left out or distant, and that’s why he didn’t tell him anything?

What if he thought that Seungcheol didn’t care about him anymore?

It was triggered by this — _scary_ — possibility that he finally answered Jeonghan’s call early that morning, after 3 days straight of ignoring him and feeling like a useless piece of shit for it now. He didn’t talk much, nervous as fuck for an unknown reason, and Jeonghan didn’t seem very different, only greeting him with a sigh and a “Cheol…” that almost sounded like a whisper, breathy like he was relieved by finally being able to talk to him. 

Seungcheol felt even worse as he knew for sure that, at least for these days, he was _definitely_ neglecting Jeonghan.  
  
Because, well, the boy literally just broke down in front of him, _in his arms_ , and Seungcheol just acted like a panicked asshole by ignoring him afterward, by acting like nothing happened, like it didn’t matter at all because he couldn't deal with his own breakdown.

And, for fuck's sake, it mattered way too much.

That’s why he didn’t dare to say a thing while Jeonghan awkwardly asked if he was free for meeting him before lunch that day, only answering with a mushed _“of course, Hannie”_ and agreeing with all the details he set, even if knew he would have to offer his ass up in a white plate to the devil himself to make Jihoon forgive him for leaving before finishing their project, but he couldn’t care less about it now.

He could put his work on a hold right now. Jeonghan, on another hand... was not an option to make him occupy the second place anymore, at least not for now.

All of this motion was probably the reason why he was sweating when he dropped off the bus in front of the cozy coffee shop that was just a 10 minutes walk from the building Jeonghan was working in, but a whole 45 minutes bus trip from his small and independent studio in Samseong-dong. He entered the place with a heavy heart, guilty and nervousness setting a tiny but annoying ball of fear right between his lungs, and he felt that little ball growing little by little as he waited for Jeonghan to arrive, eyes fixed at the front door from his position sitting next to a big window, expecting that it would help him to think more clearly for some reason.

Well, it didn’t, and his breath still catched at his chest abruptly when Jeonghan finally crossed that door, setting a hesitant agitation in the tiny ball of negativity that threatened to spread up through his throat. 

— Did you order it already? — Jeonghan asked with a small smile as he sat in front of him, putting his fancy and _I-work-at-a-office_ bag beside him at the table. Different from earlier, he sounded and looked surprisingly relaxed now, pretty much normal at this point, and Seungcheol couldn’t help but let his breath go in a relieved sigh. — Or you were waiting for me to do it?

Seungcheol blinked slowly, absorbing the image of Jeonghan dressed in social clothes and with his hair styled nicely — _all by himself, Seungcheol knew_ —, looking like he actually had his shit together and came straight from a teenage drama, white and flawless shirt highlighting his small frame as he got rid of his jacket, leaving it at the chair next to him with a tired sigh. It was not his first time seeing him like that, but now, looking at himself on the other side of the table dressed in his oversized Speedhunters’ hoodie and packed jacket, curly hair messy and asking for a haircut, Seungcheol needed some spare seconds to function properly again.

The contrast would be funny if he was not so panicked to actually process something.

— I-I waited for you — he stuttered, hands nervously crossed at his lap under the table, bottom lip slipping between his teeth as he bit it while watching Jeonghan setting himself down more comfortably. — I didn’t know if you wanted to actually eat something. Or just drink some coffee, or just talk, or both…

It took Jeonghan only two seconds glaring at him suspiciously before he broke in a smug smile, looking at him from behind his lashes. — What’s up, Cheol? Why do you look nervous like we are high school sweethearts on our first date? 

Seungcheol rolled his eyes, small ball of negativity flying away in a heartbeat. _The bitch was still the same._

— I thought you were mad at me — Seungcheol whined, crossing his arms as Jeonghan signaled to a waitress that was passing by. _He was pouting_. — You sounded…  
  
— I was mad — Jeonghan corrected without looking at him at all, proceeding to order for both of them calmly, already knowing what Seungcheol liked and acting like he was not even there, but his polite smile turned into a resigned frown as soon as the waitress bowed and moved back. — But you know…

— I know…? — Seungcheol moved forward unconsciously, anxious as Jeonghan just kept looking at his own nails on top of the table like he had all the time in the world. _Like he wasn’t threatening the annoying ball to come back._

— The fact that you came all the way here without saying a word, when I know you probably got into trouble with the Boss Baby, actually moved my heart — and then the devil simply smiled at him, eyes full of innocence. Seungcheol felt his blood pressure dropping. — I’m very generous, so I forgive you for _ignoring your best friend for more than twenty years and acting like I was nothing_

Oh, the guilt-tripping. He was already expecting it.

And, well, he didn’t know what to respond to the facts being thrown at his face like that.

Sitting with his arms crossed and shoulders pressed together in a tight line, looking at him only from the side like a suspicious kid who was not sure if he should accept a gift or not, Seungcheol wondered what would be the reason behind Jeonghan’s subtle word and the need of meeting him — because he knew that all this “I have a big heart” thing was just a way of setting the tone before dropping a bomb.  
  
Seungcheol was not sure if he was ready for whatever the bomb was about.

So he just glared at Jeonghan for good five minutes without saying a word, the other obviously glaring back, and he was aware that anyone looking from the outside could think it was strange, having two men just staring at each other for so long without talking to each other, but he knew that they were both having individual fights on their heads during the whole time about who should bring it first. The fact that they didn’t dare to break the eye contact was just a matter of pride.

And then Seungcheol’s phone rang in his pocket, and he had to fight back a snort when he caught the way Jeonghan smiled, eyes still fixed on him as he brought the phone to his ear without even looking who was calling.

_So annoying._

— Hel- 

— Choi Seungcheol!

Well... now his blood pressure dropped all the way to his ass.

The high pitched voice from the other side was screaming and he had to close his eyes once recognizing it, not missing the way Jeonghan was now smirking at him. Of course he heard it, even if he was sitting on the other side, and _of course_ watching Seungcheol really getting in trouble was a High-Class entertainment for him. 

— What the fuck do you mean with “leaving earlier”? It was your day to work on the demo!  
  
_Jihoon._

Seungcheol literally started to pray under his breath.

— I had something important to deal with, Hoon — he tried to explain slowly, leaning against the chair like all the energy in his body was being drained. Jeonghan was now the one crossing his arms in front of him, very clearly paying attention to the conversation without even trying to hide it, and he felt like he was being monitored. — I explained everything to Soonyoung already, he will…

Jeonghan made an excited face to him then, muttering something along the lines of “Boss baby?” while pointing to the phone. Seungcheol answered by showing his middle finger aggressively as he laughed.

Jihoon laughed as well, but he sounded more like he was about to _kill_ someone. Him, specifically. 

— Soonyoung? Do you want to know what he’s going to do, Seungcheol?! — _Oh God, I don’t_. — He will get autotune even on the guitar, Seungcheol. He will put a fucking tiger’s roar in the middle of the song again. In a girl group song! How the fuck do you expect us to be accepted when you leave it to _Soonyoung?_

Seungcheol closed his eyes again, fingers coming to press at the bridge of his nose when suddenly everything exploded inside his brain all at once, the weight of everything he had to deal with and the side effects of each one making his mind go blank for a second. Oh God, he could _hear_ the tiger already.

— Hey, I know he’s new but don’t be so mean with the kid — Seungcheol scolded quietly, trying to low-key shift the attention from Jihoon's anger despite knowing that he was partially right. But he liked Soonyoung though, the boy did his job efficiently... well, at least when his fursona was not trying to take control. — I told him to just mix some layers. That’s all. He’s not going to mess up this time. 

Jihoon snorted, annoyed. — But what if he does?

Seungcheol sucked in a breath. He already knew Jihoon wouldn't buy it so easily, not when they worked for days on that song just for it to be fucked up by Soonyoung's tiger agenda.

— I already saved the previous version before leaving, and sent one to Hansol too just in case — he explained, trying his best to convince him as his voice dropped to a sober yet _exhausted_ tone. — We will make it work, Jihoon.

 _Silence_.

Jeonghan must have felt the seriousness in Seungcheol’s voice, because he was now pretending to pay attention at his nails again instead of trying to be annoying on purpose. Despite acting like an ass most of the time, he knew how much his work meant to Seungcheol, he knew what he had to go through to have the little he had today and he respects it. Jihoon apparently felt too because he didn’t try to argue anymore; he just sighed, and Seungcheol could almost see him closing his own eyes, defeated. 

— You know what? — Jihoon started in a low voice, slowly, and _yes_ , Seungcheol was able to know only by his tone, his heartbeat sudden raising like he was about to have a heart attack in the middle of a coffee shop at 10 am. — _I’m tired, Cheol..._

_Fuck._

His eyes grew so big that it actually hurt. Seungcheol could feel his face getting red as Jeonghan looked up curiously after hearing him coughing, hands suddenly restless as he exchanged the phone from one ear to another, too flushed to be considerate normal or appropriate. It was nothing new to hear this, to know the hidden meaning behind Jihoon’s voice every time he said these exact same words, calling him Cheol in the way he did only when he needed something. When he _wanted_ something.

But, well... he never had to think about the implications of these words while being face to face with his best friend and the _waitress_ bringing their order at the same time before. 

Seungcheol was always on the verge of a gay panic, it was an acknowledged fact at this point, and Jeonghan was looking at him with a glimpse of something devilish in his eyes, smiling while sipping with the pink straw at his Vanilla Latte. Seungcheol felt his insides becoming cold.

— J-Jihoon, I, uh… — he swallowed over nothing, eyes looking everywhere but Jeonghan, who looked suspiciously interested in the conversation again. _Just fucking kill me now_. — I-I’m actually kinda b-busy right now, Jihoon...

He didn’t see it, but he was able to _hear it_ very well.

Jihoon gasping, his little “oh” that sounded more embarrassed than Seungcheol wanted it to be, feeling embarrassed himself when he realized that the reason behind it was not because he felt rejected, especially since that was not the first time that both of them were not up for it at the same time, but because somehow Seungcheol’s answer sounded more like _“I’m actually with another person right now”_ ; he could hear Jeonghan muffling a laugh at his blushed cheeks, at the way Seungcheol was looking at him with a clear _“shut the fuck up”_ written in his eyes; fuck, he was even hearing the fucking tiger’s roar at the back at his brain once again.

He was pretty sure the white hair was already somewhere between his bangs at this point.

— Oh, okay… — Jihoon’s voice was nothing more than an awkward whisper. He coughed to clear his throat, but it made him sound even more out of place. — We can talk later then... I guess?

Seungcheol had to bite back a sigh, trying his best to keep his voice as tender as possible and to not _beat that smile out of Jeonghan’s fucking face_. — Sure… uh, I will call you once I go back to the studio. I mean, if it’s okay for you...

— Oh, of course — Jihoon replied, and he could feel that it was only out of courtesy. Seungcheol just wanted the ground to open under his feet and swallow him alive. — Talk to you later. Bye.

And then Jihoon hung up, so fast that Seungcheol was actually grateful for not having time to make things even more awkward, but he knew that he would.

Jeonghan was curling his toes with the amount of second-hand embarrassment upon guessing the content of the clumsy talk, and, honestly? Loving every part of it, especially when Seungcheol glared at him with a dirty look while putting his phone down again, grabbing the Iced Americano with a frown while Jeonghan just kept looking at him with that teasingly smile that he absolutely hated, because they made the blush in his cheeks last even longer. His next words sounded like a curse to Seungcheol’s ears.

— So… — Jeonghan started, also putting his drink down just so he was able to cross his arms again, moving his eyebrows up and down teasingly. — You and the Boss Baby, uh?

— Oh, for fuck’s sake! — Seungcheol whined, lifting his hands in what would've been considerate as throwing fists if he didn’t had fucking sweater paws. — Stop calling him like that already or I swear to God-

— Okay, okay, geez — Jeonghan rolled his eyes and moved to grab his bag with a fake tedious expression, as if Seungcheol was actually the most annoying person on earth. He chose to ignore the fact that his friend neither agreed or denied just for the sake of keeping his hair perfectly in place. — I’m sorry you had to dump your little prince because of me but we had some stuff to talk about now, so stop pouting. 

Seungcheol looked at him with a raised eyebrow, pretending not to be embarrassed because he was, in fact, pouting. — That’s why you’re acting like we are in a meeting?

Jeonghan smiled proudly at himself. Seungcheol got chills for real.

— Oh, darling, we are in a meeting — he corrected, taking from his bag a paste full with papers inside and leaving it on the table. Seungcheol looked suspiciously at him and didn’t dare to reach for it, like a real bomb would explode from it if he actually touched it. — I hope you take it seriously because I prepared it diligently for these past few days _— during the time that you ignored me —_ so I won’t accept your lazy ass dozing off during my speech.

Saying that Seungcheol was more than confused was an understatement, because he had absolutely no idea of what the fuck Jeonghan was talking about. — What? You want me to help you to rehearsal for a work meeting? — he asked innocently, everything kind of making sense now. — You should’ve told me sooner, I would even make the effort to wear a tie or something.

Jeonghan just glared at him as Seungcheol reached to grab his drink, unbothered by the hard look, round eyes big and curious almost making him look like he was 15 again. Jeonghan sighed.

_He didn't know for real?_

— Are you dumb? — Jeonghan’s tone was incredulous and deep down he knew that maybe he was overreacting, especially when Seungcheol looked at him with wide eyes, green straw still between his lips as he drank from his Americano, but the thought of all his preparation being ignored made Joenghan impatient. — I’m talking about our marriage!

_And then Seungcheol was choking._   
  
_There was coffee everywhere._

And, well, if he squinted his eyes hard enough, he was pretty sure he would find pieces of Seungcheol’s last brain cells jumping around somewhere as well.

— O-our what?! — he practically yelled, eyes twice as big and face thrice as red, not even blinking at the fact everyone in a distance of five tables turned around to look at them. Jeonghan was pretty sure she saw a vein throbbing at his temple. — Jeonghan! W-what the fuck are you talking about?!

Seungcheol was not only on the verge of a gay panic, but also of a new mental breakdown.

Jeonghan would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying it even a little bit.

Resting against his chair comfortably, hand reaching to grab his Vanilla Latte again, Jeonghan still had the nerve to sigh tiredly while Seungcheol stared at him as is a third eye had popped in the middle of his forehead out of nowhere. — I don't know why you're acting so surprised. You were the one who proposed to me, after all.

Seungcheol had to bite back another scream, exasperatedly moving his head. — I-I did not! — he bent his body forward until he was almost face to face to Jeonghan over the table, a bit of… _madness_ in his eyes. — I didn’t pro… pro… oh God I can't even say it!

Jeonghan chuckled, nose squinting. 

— Listen, Cheol — he started, voice sounding like he was talking about something as simple as the weather. — I know that maybe I was like, in the middle of crying my eyes out, but I still remember very clearly your words, okay? They were: _“I’m up to keep my promise, Jeonghan. I will marry you”._ You can check it yourself at the beginning of the 4th page if you want, I even highlighted it.

_I can’t believe this is actually happening._

Seungcheol dropped back at his chair with a mute thump, mouth hanging open. Mind shut.

 _Speechless._

— Did you really take it seriously?

Jeonghan’s face went blank for an almost unnoticeable moment, eyes fixed on him, surprised by Seungcheol’s empty voice. And then he frowned, a faint crease between his eyebrows, the corner of his lips turning down for a second before he was able to wear his mask again, but this spare second was enough for Seungcheol to know. 

_He felt insulted.._.

— Of course I took it seriously! — . _..and of course he won’t show it_. His tone was just impatient and high pitched again, the mask still strong-willed. — What? You thought that I was saying these things because I was breaking down and only because of that? You thought that I would talk about the fucking letter if I was not serious? And you promised me! You said-

— I know what I said! Because, yes, I thought it was just all out of hysteria! I just wanted to make you stop crying! — Seungcheol shoots back, repeating the excuse he has been telling to himself during all these days, face getting red again. Everything sounded so… impossible. — Jeonghan, for fuck’s sake, can't you hear what you’re saying?!

Jeonghan rolled his eyes, arms tightly crossed over his chest and chin jutted out as he started to get red too, tips of his ears in a bright shade of pink. He was aware that at least three persons were still paying attention to them.

— Oh, young flower, I can hear it very well. The same way that I heard it very well when you said that yes, you would marry me if I wanted to — Jeonghan was looking at him straight in the eyes now, his seriousness being a dare to see if Seungcheol would look away. It was not a surprise when he didn’t. — And guess what? _I want to._

All this previous commotion was enough for Seungcheol to deduce that already, but hearing Jeonghan saying it like this, without batting an eye… it made something strange stir inside him. 

And he didn’t like it.  
  
— And may I ask where this came from? — _and why are you treating it like it’s something so simple?_

This question held everything he wanted to know but didn't have enough courage to ask. Why was Jeonghan so willing to marry him? Why did he act as he needed it now, like he couldn’t wait anymore? And the most important one: _why him?_

What triggered him to get to this point?

Jeonghan just shook his head, eyes failing to meet Seungcheol’s for the first time as he reached to his almost empty Latte again. He started to stomp his feet against the floor, a very subtle motion, but also a nervous habit that Seungcheol already knew well enough. 

— I’m just collecting a debt. A promise. You gave me the right to do it — he answered simply, voice never dropping from his casual tone. He was always better at controlling his emotions, at keeping in under the surface. Seungcheol would just let himself drown into them, even if there was a hint of annoyance in his voice when he emended: — Why are you acting like it’s such a big deal?

_Why you’re not?_

Seungcheol chuckled under his breath, incredulous. — Well, because it feels like a big deal. We’ve been best friends since ever, Jeonghan, why the fuck do you want to marry me? And why do you want it so badly? I can’t understand you! 

Jeonghan sighed, eyes closing like he was trying to keep collected. And then he reached to grab the pile of papers, throwing it to Seungcheol’s lap without looking at his face. He was starting to lose his patience again.

And, well, he didn’t like the fact that Seungcheol was calling him by his full name and not by “Hannie” anymore.

— I don’t want it — his reply was short, sharp. — I _need_ it.

— Okay, but why-

— Oh, don’t start to think that I had a secret crush on you for all these years or something — he interrupted, voice poisoned with a touch of bitter sarcasm, like Seungcheol really was in the right mental state to even cogitate something. — It’s a matter of… _necessity._ Convenience.

— For who? — Seungcheol replied, voice waving angrily from the lack of responses. He had to hold tightly at the armchair to prevent himself from getting up again. — Convenience for who, Jeonghan? And, holy shit, why would something like this be a necessity?!

He was feeling out of his mind. Not mad, just… so surprised that he couldn't get himself to function properly. His head felt cloudy, like Jeonghan was throwing at him more information than what he could process even if he wasn't revealing anything at all. He felt like he was stuck in a blind spot, missing something that was happening right above his nose. 

What happened that night that caused this change in Jeonghan? What made him so determined over something that sounded so crazy?

And, fuck, why Seungcheol couldn’t stop thinking about Mina’s words?

_“He would only accept us if we got married. And I know none of us want it now.”_

She was right again, even if this one was a completely different situation. Seungcheol still doesn’t want to get married.

He _couldn’t_ get married. Especially now.

And he couldn’t even look at the papers Jeonghan threw at him, too scared that the cover of it would be a picture of a car with a newlywed sign taken from Pinterest with a tacky and shitty edition, the title being something along the lines of “Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s marriage plan”. He started to feel dizzy only by thinking about it.

— A necessity for me; convenience for both of us — Jeonghan answered slowly, though his words and tone were still vague enough to make Seungcheol look at him even more curious, head tilting to the side, eyebrows in a frown. Jeonghan mirrored his expression. — What? Look, I didn’t want to hit this spot, Cheol, but I know that you are having… difficulties. With money, I mean.

Seungcheol reacted so fast that he got embarrassed about it. His face hardened, back pressed against the chair strongly and lips pursed in a line while he glared at Jeonghan, body moving as far as possible in the chair like he was trying to hide from an attack. Like the mention of his condition coming from Jeonghn hurt his pride. And it did, more than he was happy to admit, but it did.

He was supposed to be the cool hyung. 

— I already worry about it on my own a lot — his words sounded harsh, even if his voice was nothing more than a whisper. — Thank you, but I don’t need you to do it as well. 

_He never talked like this to Jeonghan before._

And Jeonghan felt it hitting deep down his bones, striking a cold punch inside him, but he was not going to back up. Even he felt like they were walking in a tightrope now, he was not going to give up so easily.

— Listen, Cheollie — Jeonghan called gently, trying his best to keep his voice as soft as possible, to make it clear that his intention was not to insult his friend. — I don’t want you to feel embarrassed, I’m not trying to embarrass you, you know I would never do it. But think about it, we could-

— No — his answer came in a breathy sigh, the whole defensive posture fading away as Seungcheol’s body went limp against the chair, hand coming to cover his eyes as he tilted his head up like he had a sudden headache, like it was too much. He breathed deeply again. — No, no. I can’t do it. I... _I can’t._

Jeonghan did not insist more, not right away because he knew when he was close to exceeding a limit, and not when he felt that Seungcheol’s “no” was actually an answer to something else.

He just watched his friend on the other side, crossing one leg over the other, arms pressed against his chest as he started to think, to plot. It was more than a matter of pride now.

 _Seungcheol didn’t look his best_ , he noticed first. 

He didn’t now, and he also didn’t almost a week ago when they met for the last time back at Jeonghan’s place. There’s this tiresome feeling around him, a cloak that seemed to follow him like a shadow, applying an invisible weight on his shoulders that Jeonghan was not able to see, but that he could feel and notice the effects of. They were in the bags under Seungcheol’s eyes, in the way his shoulders seemed to be always hanging low as if he was constantly exhausted, as if the tired sigh that he let out every now and then was actually just a hint of how much he was holding inside.

And what he was holding, exactly? Jeonghan was pretty sure it was not related to his job. Seungcheol always worked with music and never looked so restless, not even when he was stuck

The motion of both of them keeping secrets from each other twirled in the air around them, subtle but preset, still unknown consciously. It set a mutual feeling of wanting to know more, but also a hesitation of having to reveal too much to achieve it. _Pinning._  
  
_Since when we became like this?_ , they both asked themselves.

 _Since when it became so hard to talk to him?_ , Seungcheol wondered, eyes still hidden and shut under his arm.

And Jeonghan's mind shoot back, the unfamiliar feeling making him even more determined to know more, to achieve it: _since when I feel like taking care of him so much?_

His eyes wandered up and down, looking for something, for a particular detail that he didn’t know yet, and then his attention was caught by Seungcheol’s phone on the table, screen igniting up with a new notification. It suddenly clicked inside his brain.

He almost laughed at the thought, barely suppressing it with a weak cough. — So…. I’ve connected the dots.

— You didn’t connect shit.

— I’ve connected them! — he insisted, a wave of tease back at his tone, at the way he moved his eyebrows up and down when Seungcheol lifted his arm and glared at him, curious. Jeonghan couldn’t bite back his laugh anymore. — It’s because of him, right?

Seungcheol raised his chin, looking doubtful. — What?

— Him — Jeonghan gesticulated towards the phone, smooth hair falling graciously around his small face when he did so. He had a smug smile on his face again, the one that Seungcheol hated the most. — You don’t want to marry me because you have a thing with the Boss Baby, am I right?  
  
It took Seungcheol five complete seconds to understand what he was saying, and another five to register the hint of a strong headache that got him groaning in annoyance when he did. — I don’t have a-

But a forced cough stopped him. Jeonghan was looking at him skeptically now, an eyebrow raised with a silently dare. 

Seungcheol groaned again.

— Okay, we _have_ a thing — he admitted, hands dropping to his lap hopelessly. There’s no way he would be able to lie to Jeonghan, especially when the red from his face was mainly concentrated in his cheeks now. — But it’s not because of that. There’s… no feelings involved.

Jeonghan hummed for a second, eyebrows twitching as he thought about it. — So that’s it? You’re suffering because the Boss Baby doesn’t correspond to your feelings or some shit?

Seungcheol glared at him, getting impatient, but it faded as soon as he started talking again.

— No. When I said that there are no feelings, I meant from both sides — his eyes didn’t meet Jeonghan’s when he said it, voice dropping at the final words, but the other didn't think that it was because he was affected by the situation. Seungcheol really seemed to pay no big mind to it, and Jeonghan wondered what would be the real reason behind this sudden drop then. — We work together, we are together all the time, we have to deal with a lot of things together. It’s more like a…

— … _Stress relief_ — Jeonghan completed himself, a sudden feeling of embarrassment hitting his own cheeks before he could process the words leaving his mouth.

And then Seungcheol was the one raising an eyebrow now. _Of course he wouldn’t miss the chance._

— Yeah, you can say it… and as far as I can remember, I’m pretty sure you had something like that not long ago as well — a smirk was now lifting the sides of his plumpy lips as he supported himself in the armchair, body turned completely towards Jeonghan as the other pressed his in a tight line. — What was his name again, uh? Wonhee? Wonwoo?

Jeonghan rolled his eyes to mask the fact that his cheeks were burning under Seungcheol’s smirk. The only thing that could fade his distress was, of course, teasing Jeonghan to death.

— Yes, but I’m not the one recusing a marriage because of a thing — Jeonghan replied as he tilted his chin, looking back at it again when Seungcheol groaned and shook his head only by hearing the word alone. — C’mon, Cheol, it’s not like you would have to dump the little prince. We would still be able to meet whoever we wanted to.

This made Seungcheol glare at him again, face back to the serious frown. 

— Then what would be the point for this marriage? 

Jeonghan blinked, confused. He didn’t think about it like that before. — What?

— Honestly, why didn’t you propose to Jaehyun if you wanted to get married so bad? — Seungcheol shooted all at once, and then the faint crease between his eyebrows got deeper as he stopped for a second. — Wait… is it some kind of revenge plan? That’s why you cried so much when he-

Jeonghan had to stop himself from getting up to smack Seungcheol's head.

— Bitch, did you see the guy? — he interrupted, voice incredulous as he was hearing something ridiculous. — Do you think I wouldn’t like to marry a man like that? 

Seungcheol only had to think for a second.

— I mean, relatable, but then why didn’t you-

_— It’s not that easy._

His answer was simple, evasive, and he was in the same way from earlier again. The eyes not meeting Seungcheol, the stomping feet, the restless hands. The voice losing its confidence.

The confused crease in his forehead was almost a permanent facial feature to Seungcheol at this point. He let his voice drop as well, the tone gentle, persuasive, longing to get a real answer for at least once. 

— And why it’s not easy, Hannie? — he asked softly, lowering his head to attempt an eye contact. Jeonghan looked instinctively at him upon hearing the nickname in the same way he always did, lips pursed in a pout he probably didn’t even notice. — What can I-

The answer was simple, ruining the small moment. — _Marry me_.

And then Seungcheol was the one backing up this time, snorting and shaking his head when a breathy chuckle left his lips. — I guess this talk it’s not going anywhere then.

Jeonghan got angry. — And why not? — his voice raised, high pitch catching attention again. _Childish, stubborn._

He was not giving up this easily. Not until Seungcheol told him a clear “no”.

Seungcheol got angry because of his angriness, a vein in his throat jumping out as he replied sarcastically, head moving exaggeratedly. — Well, because _it’s not that easy._

That was nothing but the truth. For him, it was far for being easy.

And he started to ask himself unconsciously, to his own surprise: if things were not so complicated right now, if he didn’t had to deal with the whole Mina and his situation, if there wasn’t so much over his shoulders, would him still fight against it like he was doing now? 

If it was a month or two ago, before he knew what was waiting for him in the future, would he have accepted Jeonghan?

_Yes. Yes, I would._

The realization got him dizzy. The way it came so easily, without hesitation, making that thing from earlier stir even deeper inside his stomach now. 

But why?

When he looked up again and saw the way Jeonghan was sitting with his face contorted in a stubborn frown, arms crossed tightly over himself and looking like an obstinate kid who was denied a gift, he couldn’t even remember why they were arguing anymore.

Of course the reason was hammering at the back of his mind, still clear enough for him to be conscious about its presence, but upon thinking about it now he couldn’t understand how they got to this point. He couldn’t understand why they were acting like this. Why they were being so demanding and poisonous towards each other when they never acted like that before, when the way they treated each other even a week ago was completely different from it.

It was not natural. It was not okay.

 _It was not that easy._  
  
— Jeonghan. Hannie… — he called, his voice suddenly so different from all the ways it sounded before that Jeonghan couldn’t help but look up, eyes still narrowed, but now filled with curiosity. — Jeonghan.

— What? — he felt impatient. Anxious.

_Why was Seungcheol looking so intensely at him now?_

— Is that what you want?

The unexpected change of course got him out of space for a moment. Blinking slowly, mind working at full speed, Jeonghan only nodded, all the defensive facade replaced with pure astonishment. Where did it come from?

Seungcheol didn’t react instantly to his confirmation. His eyelids trembled subtly, like he was still caught by surprise the response even after everything, but he stayed still, eyes focused on Jeonghan’s face, in the way his hair reflected by the tender morning sun rays that shined through the big window next to them, his cheeks flushed both from the commotion and from… something Seungcheol didn’t know yet.

Jeonghan almost jumped from his seat when Seungcheol suddenly got up, looking like he was ready to leave, but he couldn’t let him go without receiving a proper answer.

Jeonghan reached his hand in the same time Seungcheol did, both hands frozen on top of the cellphone on the table, moving and preventing together, gaze meeting sharply. 

They were the same. The stubbornness was a trade that reflected in the eyes of both of them.

— Cheol — Jeonghan called low, fingertips pressing against the back of Seungcheol’s hand. His voice sounded strangled, almost desperate beside the small tune. He knew that if he was about to receive a “no”, this was the moment for it would come. He couldn’t let it happen. — You promised me… _You promised me, Cheollie_.

Playing dirty. A stroke of guilt hit him straight in the stomach, especially when Seungcheol’s eyes reflected the way he felt affected by these words, but he couldn’t back up anymore.   
  
Seungcheol let out a sigh, eyes closing for a second while he removed completely his hand, straightening his back as he stood up. Jeonghan held his breath, eyes fixed, heart throbbing.

— I promised to marry you, and now I’m promising to think about it — his answer was simple, different from the two extremes of what he was expecting. _Vague_. — Talk to you later, Hannie.

And it felt the same again. 

Even though there was a part of his heart that still felt restless, Jeonghan was glad to feel like they were the same when Seungcheol bent down to leave a kiss on his hair, hand caressing his neck softly. He had a tiny smile on his lips when he backed up and walked away, leaving Jeonghan too surprised to say something as he turned back to wave his hand and point secretly towards the counter while moving his eyebrows teasingly.

Jeonghan lowered his head, smiling in disbelief when he understood the message: _“The bill is yours”_.

Yeah, Seungcheol was still the same.

He knocked at the window and waved one last time from the outside, still smiling as nothing happened, before Jeonghan could watch him walking in the pavement until he lost the sight of him, too far gone, turning his gaze then to the two now empty coffees on the table, green and pink straw contrasting.

Jeonghan felt in a state of inertia

And from outside, Seungcheol was also waiting until he was sure to be out of sight to finally let it go.

His body bent before he could register it, the smile long way gone when his face squirmed in a frown, feeling breathless like someone just punched him strong enough to leave his brain hazy. The only thing that his brain registered behind the white curtain was a mess of names, problems, responsibilities... that it was too much. 

He had to deal with so much, to carry so much in his shoulders that, in this hazy state, he could hear something inside his head hissing softly the idea that maybe, _just maybe_ , having someone to help him wouldn’t be so bad.

 _Convenience_ , Jeonghan’s words suddenly echoed.

He felt like he was being tempted by the snake that persuaded Adam. B but instead of an apple, he would have to agree on accepting something much bigger now.

His phone rang again, the vibration at his front pocket being the motivation he needed to straighten up his body again, to breathe deeply, to collect himself again or at least prevent to. Letting his breath go in a heavy sigh, shifting his weight from one foot to another as he checked to was calling this time, Seungcheol hoped that his voice didn’t sound as strangled as he felt. — Hey, Jihoon, I was about to call you.

— Cheol — he called from the other side, tone almost the same as earlier, and Seungcheol closed his eyes upon thinking that he would have to say no to him again. Even if he was technically free now, he was just… not really free. — I need you...

Seungcheol breathed slowly, becoming aware that he was still frozen in the middle of a movimented pavement his hands moved to grab a handful of his own hair. — I’m sorry, Hoon, but I don’t think we can-

— … To beat someone’s ass. 

_Oh, shit. Here we go again._


	4. Maze

— You what?!

— I want you to beat someone’s ass — Jihoon repeated effortlessly, as if he was just greeting him as he did in any other day and like they hadn't literally talked not even twenty minutes ago.

Seungcheol just stopped in his tracks again, a hand coming to rest at his hips as his eyebrows furrowed together while his eyes wandered around exasperatly. Honestly, what was going on with these boys and their impossible requests today?

— And why are you talking like I’m some kind of hired killer? — he retorted back, shaking his head and moving only when he was able to control his blood pressure enough to keep walking towards the bus stop across the street without feeling like passing out again, also slightly terrified as the thought that Jeonghan could walk out of the coffee shop at any moment and see him there again sunk in. He was pretty he wouldn’t be able to fake the calmness from earlier again. — We both know that you are very capable of beating someone on your own.

There’s a rustling noise on the other side and he could hear Jihoon taking a deep breath, what made him involuntarily take one as well, eyes closing for a moment, getting ready to another absurd thing he _knew_ he was about to hear in the space of twenty minutes.

— Of course I can, but the problem is that _I can’t_ — Jihoon explained, or at least tried to. Seungcheol could get a hint of nervousness behind his voice as he hesitated. — I mean, I would do it myself without thinking much if it was in any other day, but… not today though.

Seungcheol waited until he was sitting at the bus stop, free hand deep inside his jacket pocket, to reserve three or four seconds to actually think about it. The fact that he was even considering it amazed him for a moment. 

He didn’t need much more to get an answer.

— No.

Jihoon gasped like he was being cheated on, scandalized. 

— N-no? C’mon, Seungcheol! — he whined in high pitch, and Seungcheol was almost able to _see_ his shoulders coming down in utter woe. — Why not? It’s not like I’m asking for too much!

At that he laughed. There was no humor in the sound though. 

— Can’t you fucking hear what you’re saying? Of course beating someone’s ass is too much! — his voice came out loud enough to the old lady who sat beside him at the bus stop to glare at him with an ugly frown. Turning his face to the other side to hide his flushed cheeks in a mortified embarrassment, Seungcheol had to bite back a frustrated groan as he whisper-screamed. — Honestly, what’s wrong with you guys today?

Jihoon stayed silent before leading a spluttering giggle.

— Oh, you’re talking about Sharpay? — Jihoon asked mockingly and highkey entertained, as if he was not asking for a crime hire a minute ago, and Seungcheol almost let out a _cry_ over the nickname. Jeonghan was not the only one who could easily give him a headache. — Okay, forget it. You’re telling me everything later but, for now, can we just keep up with the plan?

Another groan. Seungcheol was pretty sure he would start growling at some point.

— There’s no… — and then he stopped himself, eyes closed again for the sake of his mental health, because he knew it wasn’t going anywhere. Taking a fast glance at his watch, Seungcheol looked ahead while saying, voice purposefully empty and faux unbothered: — You have 10 minutes until my bus arrives. Try me.

He could almost feel Jihoon _vibrating_ in excitement at the given chance from the other side. — So, the thing is, there’s this guy who lives three floors above me right...

— I’m listening — he was not.

— And do you remember the surface remote control that I got for the studio from that famous brand, right? — Jihoon asked, and Seungcheol hummed in response, still paying no big deal while actively looking at his watch. — The one for self-recording seasons that we've eyeing for some months now. Well... the guy kind of stole it from me.

He was suddenly listening now. 

— What?! — His voice went high before he could think about it. The old lady glared at him again, but the thought of someone breaking in Jihoon’s place was enough to trigger his headache and he couldn't care less about being seen as a gang member or something now. — Why you didn’t tell me this when you called earlier? Is everything okay? Did he-

Jihoon cut him off with an unbothered snort, the dismissive tone in his voice making Seungcheol frown. — Geez, calm down. He didn’t enter my house, moron. He stole it from my mailbox box.

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow in pure retaliation; if he was standing, one of his hands would be placed at his hips already. — And how do you know this?

— I saw it.

— From where?

— From the camera that I have in it, of course — Jihoon answered simply, like it was normal to have a _fucking camera inside your mailbox_. He seemed to know that Seungcheol was calling mentally cursing his whole ancestors' tree inside his mind when he quickly explained: — Listen, how do you expect me to order expensive shit and just trust the postman to make it arrive safely? And I saw it! I clearly saw the guy from the 8th floor opening my mailbox and _purposefully_ taking away the box!

Seungcheol had to take a whole 5 seconds pause to actually process it, free hand deep inside his pocket as he shrugged his shoulders from the cold, eyebrows furrowed like he was trying to see something from far away.

And he was: he was hoping that his bus would magically arrive ten minutes earlier, so he could just hang up on Jihoon’s face and pretend that this nonsense call never happened before.

— Well, then go and beat his ass yourself — he suggested, voice purposefully sounding as disinterested as he could fake it. There’s no way he was going to get involved in some bullshit from Jihoon right now, and especially if it was bullshit in these levels of absurdness. — You already know where to find him anyway. Enjoy your playdate.

Jihoon whined again, letting out a tired sight.

— Yes, but the problem is that I _can’t_ — he replied, voice hushed as if he was telling an embarrassing secret. Seungcheol could bet he was. — Why do you think I’m asking you to do it instead? You know I wouldn’t miss the chance to beat someone, but I… uh, how can I say it…

Seungcheol rolled his eyes, getting impatient. His ass was about to freeze in that cold seat, and the old lady trying furtively to look at him from the side while holding her purse close to her chest didn’t help much. — Just say it already, Jihoon!

— Okay! Oh God, okay — he took a deep breath then, and this sign was enough to take Seungcheol to the edge, already imagining the worst scenarios ever. Why the fuck Jihoon was taking so much to tell him? And why does he sound... embarrassed? — I can’t go chasing the guy because I don’t know exactly in which apartment he lives in — Seungcheol was praying to God for this to be the only reason, but apparently the heaven decided to throw shit straight at his window today when Jihoon muttered his next words — And I’m trying not to go wandering around there because… I can’t take the risk of coming face to face with my landlord.

Seungcheol went silent again, half-astonished to be honest, and this time he could feel Jihoon anticipating his answer. He would be lying if he said that he was not also trying to waste time purposefully just so he could get on the bus before actually finishing this talk. — Okay, first of all, why you can't meet your landlord?

Jihoon then laughed again, and he could tell that it was purely out of nervousness this time. 

— Well, you know… — he started, besides knowing that no, Seungcheol didn’t know shit. — I may or may not have delayed one or two months of my rent…

Seungcheol could feel a vein in his temple shaking at the rhythm of some Drake song. — Jihoon!

Jihoon made a bunch of noises that were a mix of flustered and apologetic but also completely shameless at the same time.

— Yah! How do you expect me to pay for our equipment? — he shouted back in an attempt of getting some moral, desperately trying to explain himself. — A man is made out of sacrifices!

It was Seungcheol’s turn to laugh, but with his foot stomping at the speed of the light against the concrete floor.

— Oh, of course, and the next one is going to be _me_ sacrificing _you!_ — it was safe to say that the old lady was staring steadily at him at this point. Seungcheol couldn’t help to glare back, something inside him getting a bit insane as this conversation went on — You can see living under a bridge as your next sacrifice then, how noble does it sound now? Because that’s exactly what's going to happen next.

Jihoon whimpered on the other side, the same exact sound that he and Soonyoung — Mark and Hansol were good kids — would always make when they were scolded, and that would make Seungcheol feel like a dad with mortgage bills to pay already.

— But, Cheol-

— Don’t “Cheol” me.

— But! — yeah, Jihoon sounded pretty much like a kid now. Thinking about him like that after everything was enough to make Seungcheol constipated. His voice became tiny, hopeless. — What are we going to do now? The rent is already due, and we need this equipment…

Seungcheol sighed, shoulders dropping tiredly, his cold hand coming to press at the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. The fact that Jihoon said “us” instead of “I” just added to the heaviness in his shoulders, triggering that noise in the back of his brain that he couldn’t shut down for too long. He knew that this is what they should do, to count on each other because they were together on that, but recently feeling like someone was relying on him was enough to make him wonder how it was going to be in the close future that was already in front of him.

Is he going to feel desperate in the same way then? When… _that thing_ happens? Will he be able to find a way like he always tries to do now when this time comes as well?

 _Mina is already counting on you_ , the voice remembered. _And she is not alone_.

And, well, the fact that he kind of felt like Jeonghan was a new addition to that list now did not go unnoticed.

He spotted the bus crossing the corner and almost thanked the God for taking a break from shitting his window as he took one last breath before getting up, feeling his knees cracking when he did so, and he was aware of Jihoon still waiting for his answer during all the time he went silent. _Expecting._

_Relying._

Seungcheol only talked when the bus was already stopping near the sidewalk, his voice dropping back to the exhausted tone that was becoming more constant than he would like to admit lately, but his words made him feel like it was the voice of someone completely different. — Give me his name and where I can find him. I will stop by your place to return it to you after I solve it.

Jihoon let out a huff of half-shocked laughter, surprised by the change. Seungcheol did sound like a hired killer talking like this. — Oh, so you’re really going?

Seungcheol snorted. After all the drama he made, Jihoon still had the nerve to ask it?

— Of course I’m going — he replied simply, already accepting his pathetic fate and the fact that his words were never respected in this household as he got on the bus. — I have to get our things back, don’t I? 

He was 100% sure that Jihoon was still smiling on the other side. — _Of course, Coupsie._

°°°°°°°°°

  
Seungcheol always knew he had a problem with saying no and an even worse one with regretting it afterward, but he never really thought about it until he was in front of the door of a complete stranger, both hands shoved deep down in fists inside his jacket pockets, biting his lips out of nervousness because, well... it was not as simple as Jihoon made it look.

 _Jihoon._ Oh God, Seungcheol was already planning on how to kill him after coming back, both from being an _irresponsible little shit_ and for always dragging him to be just as irresponsible every time, taking advantage from the known fact that Seungcheol was completely wrapped around his little finger to order him around effortless, in the way Soonyoung would just whine about in jealousness and the dynamic duo that was Mark and Hansol would just giggle it out.

 _But it was not so effortless,_ Seungcheol reassured himself, a hint of pout in his inner voice. _I was not that easy this time_.

And the worst part? He was not even sure if this was the right place. Jihoon gave him nothing more than a floor and the probability of the boy from the camera living at the apartment 804, so what if Seungcheol was about to knock in a stranger door, but not the stranger he was looking for? 

— And how the fuck do you expect me to know who he is? — he asked a couple of minutes earlier, while still walking through the corridor. His fingers were fidgeting nervously inside the front pocket of the hoodie, trying to get distracted by something because he still couldn't fucking believe that he was about to do it.

Even if he didn't even know what "it" actually was. Jihoon asked for an ass beaten, but Seungcheol was willing to put his basic and rarely used knowledge of social skills in action and push the mercenary behavior for the side as much as he can for the sake of the social harmony.

— You are going to know! He’s like, a tall guy — Jihoon replied then, as if it was that simple to just go around knocking other people’s doors just because you are looking for a possible robber, and a _tall_ one. — I saw him at the gym a few times but never really asked his name.

Seungcheol huffed annoyingly, hands coming to rest at his hips and foot stomping on the floor when he stopped in front of the 804 door. The fact that he was really there made his eyelids slightly shake from stress.

— Then how do you know that he lives on the 8th floor if you never talked to him?

At that Jihoon went silent. It was enough to make Seungcheol regret everything.

— I… I just know — Jihoon’s voice waved a little but he tried his best to cover it quickly. — Listen, there’s no way to get it wrong, okay? Tall, tanned skin, lives alone on the 8th floor. Go get my shit back.

Seungcheol rolled his eyes, dumbfounded by the bossy and unabashed tone of Jihoon, who was apparently seeing himself as some kind of cartel chief. — I can’t believe you have a fucking camera in your mailbox _and_ stalks the guy you have a crush in from the gym. 

Jihoon released a noise that was a mix of screaming and choking at the same time.

 _—_ I-I don’t have a crush on him!

Seungcheol hummed dismissively, getting ready to hang up already. — I will judge if you’re telling the truth or not after I see the guy.

— What? — making Jihoon feel as panic as possible was already part of the revenge, and he could feel that Jihoon actually hadn't think much before sending _Seungcheol_ to talk with a _possible crush of his._

Well, he should’ve known better.

Seungcheol chuckled. — Did you forget that I know your taste? — his question was the kind that didn’t need an answer. Jihoon just let out a dramatic and self-depreciative sigh murmuring a “see you later, moron” to which Seungcheol just laughed before agreeing. — Yeah, and leave the door open.

Shoving his phone back to and getting both hands deep inside his pocket, he was here now, pressing his lips in a tight line again while standing in front of the 804 door but lacking the courage to actually do something. He swayed back and forth over his knees slightly, looking around momentarily, head empty, but it was only when he heard a noise coming from the elevator that he hurried to knock at the door, too embarrassed already to get caught in that awkward situation as well.

He overheard someone replying a “just a moment” from the inside that sounded almost like an aegyo tone, and he was already pretty sure that this was the wrong guy.

And when he opened the door, Oh God, Seungcheol _prayed_ for that to be the wrong guy.

Because, honestly, how did Jihoon expected him to beat the ass of someone like this?

The boy was, in short words, _huge_. Not only was he tall, at least 10cm taller than Seungcheol, but the tank top he was wearing did its job by showcasing his strong arms and steady muscles, firm chest, the posture of someone who would be able to break him in half just by clapping his hands. Not that Seungcheol was weak or something, he was not, but he was just… not prepared.

“Scared” would be a better word.

The guy was staring at him with wide eyes, face half shadowed by the cap he was using and that matched his black and sporty clothes, and Seungcheol couldn’t help but step back while swallowing hard. They were staring at each other for almost a minute now and it was, in short and hard-to-admit words, embarrassing as fuck.

But it didn’t matter because Seungcheol was totally not scared and he was going to just keep his cool and do what he needs to do and get Jihoon’s stuff back like he meant to. He was totally cool.

— Y-y-you have something f-from my friend.

_For fuck’s sake._

— I’m sorry? — the boy approached with a confused frown, thick eyebrows close together, and Seungcheol stepped back involuntarily again. His cheeks were burning at this point, both from his pathetic shuttering and scared-cat like behavior. — I couldn’t hear you. 

_Get your shit together, Seungcheol._

He breathed slowly, hands coming at his sides in fists as he gathered enough courage. How the fuck he was supposed to ask someone if they stole something right in front of their face like that? And especially someone who looked very much capable of sending him flying all the way back to Busan with only a forehead flick? — Listen, are you the tall guy from the 8th floor?

Looking even more confused, the boy — who didn’t seem to be older than him — just let out a refrained noise, shoulders tightened together and creating a defensive posture that made it looks like he was somehow trying to appear smaller than what he really was, and that made Seungcheol’s own eyebrows knit together in confusion. 

He was... intimidated? By _Seungcheol_?

— People normally call me Mingyu, but I-I guess so? — the boy sounded puzzled, round and curious eyes scanning Seungcheol and the corridor behind all at once as he practically hides behind his open door at this point, his size making it look almost comical. Seungcheol was honest-to-god speechless. — M-may I help you, sir?

_Oh._

_Oh my God._

_He called me sir._

_The stone-hard-1,87cm-tall guy just called me sir._

Shamelessly and desperately taking advantage of the opportunity, Seungcheol inflated his chest as he shifted his weight from one leg to another, clearing his throat as he prepared himself. He was about to be really cool now.

— Pay attention, okay, _son_? — he proudly pronounced, aware that if he was there, Jihoon would smack his head instantly from being so ridiculous. Jeonghan would do worse. — I have a friend and he told me that you stole something from his mailbox. I’m here to get it back, either you… like it... or not.

He did lose confidence pathetically at the end, but the message apparently was delivered at least. The Mingyu guy looked not only confused but also intrigued now, as if he was trying to connect the dots of something inside his brain as the crease between his brows got deeper, and the lack of response made Seungcheol swallow hard and step back again, ridiculous confidence suddenly gone.

_Holy shit, what if that’s the wrong guy?_

And then Mingyu suddenly exclaimed, clapping his hands together in realization. — Oh! You’re talking about the music stuff, right?

_Nevermind. He’s the right guy._

Seungcheol took a tentative step forward again, crossing his arms confidently over his chest. He really _prayed_ to look cool now.

— Yes, the one you _took away_.

He didn’t want to say “stole” again. The Mingyu guy looked pretty decent and non-criminous.

Especially when his eyes grew even bigger, mouth opening exasperatedly shook his hands at the accusation. — Oh, no, no! I did not! C’mon hyung, let me show you.

The guy not only looked non-criminous enough, but also disturbingly trustful of strangers as Seungcheol found himself speechless again. His brain literally stopped working when Mingyu reached out to grab at his wrist to get him inside his apartment before he could even think about it, rambling something about proving that he didn’t steal anything and that it was a misunderstanding. He left Seungcheol frozen in the middle of the living room, Seungcheol’s eyes wide open and staring at him in mid-panic as he just lifted his hands to signal for him to wait before disappearing inside the corridor in a hurry. 

That’s it. Seungcheol was locked — not really — alone in the middle of the apartment of a complete stranger, aware of the fact that Mingyu could have gone to get a weapon or a knife or a needle or a baseball bat to kill him right here and now and no one would know.

 _But he called me hyung._ Seungcheol already believed in him completely.

Mingyu came back not long after while holding a white box, having taken his cap off so now his light-brown and fluffy hair, kinda sweaty making it look like he just came back from the gym, was falling on top of his forehead in a messy but charming way, smiling with some kind of unknown contentment and in a way that Seungcheol could only think about one thing:

 _Yeah, Jihoon_ definitely _has a crush on him._

— See? I didn’t even open it, I wasn’t planning on stealing it, hyung — he explained while handing over the box excitedly. Looking over to him, Seungcheol could easily guess why he was smiling like that: he was actually _happy_ to return it. — You should’ve said that you were friends with Jihoon hyung, I would have understood it sooner.

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow, holding the box suspiciously with both hands and keeping it in a safe distance from his body like it was radioactive. — Then why did you took it in the first place?.

Mingyu shook his hands and his head at the same fast pace, not wanting to be misunderstood again. — I’m sorry! I was just getting my correspondence and I saw the postman leaving it, but it didn’t seem like it would fit in the mailbox. Look — he reached to point out to the corners of the box; they were, in fact, creased. Seungcheol looked up doubtful, not used to being shadowed by someone’s height like that, still aware even if Mingyu looked and sounded harmless. — I was afraid that Jihoon hyung wouldn’t get it soon and it would be damaged if it stayed there much longer, so I took it to give to him later.

Seungcheol cleared his throat subtly, not quite knowing what to do when Mingyu acted so friendly when he had a stranger who was sent to supposedly beat the shit out of him inside his apartment. — And may I ask when that happened?

Mingyu’s lips pursed in a pout as he thought, tilting his head slightly up. _He's cute._

— This morning, I guess? 

Seungcheol closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the headache from before threatening to be formed again. The idea of beating Jihoon’s ass instead was very much easier to agree with now.

— Oh, you okay, hyung? — Mingyu asked, sounding worried when Seungcheol sighed, and he had to refrain from _crying out._

Because, honestly, how did Jihoon expected him to beat someone like this? Firstly it was because of his size, which admittedly freaked Seungcheol out a little, but now was purely from the fact that Mingyu looked and acted just like an oversized puppy who just wanted to wiggle his tail to someone. Seungcheol would have to kill himself after laying a single finger on him.

Instead of crying — he was embarrassed enough already —, Seungcheol just rested with a hand on his hips, the damn box held under his arms as he sighed again, pressing a hand on his forehead like he was expecting to have a fever. When he looked up, Mingyu was staring at him with big and curious and shiny eyes, and Seungcheol could swear to God he would _lose it_ if the guy tilted his head to the side like a real pup or some shit.

And then something clicked.

— Hey, wait… how do you know Jihoon’s name?

Mingyu’s eyebrows raised in confusion again. Seungcheol wondered if the boy was always this clueless or it was his fault for showing up out of nowhere and making so many questions. — What?

He wasn’t buying it for some reason. Back to the suspicious pose, Seungcheol pointed a finger and Mingyu instantly lifted his hands like it was a gun.

— Jihoon told me that he saw you before, but that he didn’t know your name because you guys never talked before — Seungcheol elaborated, now staring at him with his chin lifting in suspicion. — Then how do _you_ know his name?

Mingyu’s cheeks got a bright shade of pink before he could break a sweat. He stepped back twice, scratching the back of his head embarrassed as his eyes fall to the floor. Seungcheol took a mental note about it, and it had a lot of interrogation points at the end.

— Oh, well… I heard someone saying it somewhere — Mingyu tried to explain, and it was pretty clear that he was the kind who got nervous when embarrassed, because his hands became restless and he started to ramble so much that Seungcheol couldn’t keep up with him as his voice hit more variation than he thought it was possible in just a minute. — I actually heard a few songs from Woozi before and I knew his real name so I got surprised when I figured out he lived here and went to the same gym as me, so I wanted to keep his box to make sure it was fine and return to him and- 

_Oh God, he’s a fan._ Seungcheol was not sure if he was loving or hating the situation even more now. 

He raised a hand and Mingyu stopped talking automatically, polite hands clasped in front of his body as he pressed his lips in a way that made dimples show up in the upper corners of them, and Seungcheol had to actually hold himself from smiling in the sake of keeping his pose of the cool hyung.

The idea of Mingyu getting the box on purpose just to have a reason to talk to Jihoon was entertaining on the highest level and actually made the revenge plan so much easy that Seungcheol couldn’t help but to chuckle, disguising his laugh by coughing. 

— Oh, if that's the case then you don’t need to be nervous. Jihoon really wanted to come instead, I’m just here because he was busy — Seungcheol lied easily, doing his best to let his posture as relaxed as possible, and when Mingyu looked at him he made the effort to smile and reach to tap at his shoulder friendly. His acting skills were awful. — Thanks for keeping it, bud. Why don't you talk to him in the gym next time? I’m pretty sure he will want to thank you properly.

Despite looking kind confused by the sudden shift in Seungcheol's antics, Mingyu just blinked twice before opening a shy smile, like the idea was pleasing to him. — Do you think so, hyung? I don’t want him to think that I am- 

Seungcheol huffed, dismissing him by waving his hand. — No, no. You don’t need to worry, he’s going to understand — _and freak out_. That part he didn't say out loud though. Jihoon deserved it. — I’m Seungcheol, by the way.

Mingyu stared at him with wide eyes, his mouth forming a perfect O as he tilted his head. — Seungcheol? Could it be-

— S.coups, yes — Seungcheol easily answered to his unsaid question, a small and proud smile upon seeing the way Mingyu gasped and stared at him like he was from another planet. Jihoon was not his only idol apparently. 

— Hyung! I can’t believe that you are Coups! I really all like your songs and the featurings, I even got your last mixtape and-

_Well, at least I am still the cool hyung._

— Yeah, thank you, Mingyu — Seungcheol tapped at his shoulders again, guessing that this conversation would go on and on if he allowed Mingyu to keep rambling. He was pretty sure this was far from being the last time they met, he could redeem for his lack of manners later, but not when he was dealing with the embarrassment of interrogating a guy that was _his fan_. — Hyung will get going now, okay? 

Mingyu almost jumped in his place, hands becoming agitated as he hurriedly guided Seungcheol back to the door — most like followed — while still murmuring small things like _“wow, I can’t believe”_ and so that made Seungcheol feel a little bit of moral coming back to him after his pathetical expedition. He would definitely brag about it to Jihoon later, after pulling a Broadway worthy scene of drama for making him go there in the first place of course.

— So… thank you for keeping it? — Seungcheol’s awkwardness made it sound like he was more making a question or giving an apology instead, and honestly, he felt like he should. Mingyu looked like he couldn’t care less at least, just nodding with a big smile. Looking at his watch to pretend to be in a hurry for something, Seungcheol just smiled again before stepping out and didn't stopped walking while talking, the damn box suddenly heavy under his arms and preventing him from just _running away_ like he wished to do. — Remember to talk to Jihoon at the gym, okay? He will be _dying_ to talk to you!

He hurried to disappear through the corridor, just waving awkwardly as Mingyu kept looking at him in awe like he was carrying the Olympic torch delay in the middle of his apartment complex, and almost started running once he was sure to be out of sight. Too rushed to wait for the elevator, he got the stairs to go down to the 5th floor, using the effort of literally _running downstairs_ and getting out of breath by it as an excuse not to think about the growing shame and embarrassment that made him feel like slamming his head against the nearest wall.

He was never doing a favor to Jihoon again.

And he kept grumbling about it while opening the 612 door and just entering Jihoon’s messy apartment like it was his own, not even minding the clothes thrown on the floor and the fact that all the lights were off and heading to the second room that was Jihoon’s mini-studio, dramatically slamming the door open when he did so.

— Oh, you’re here. 

Jihoon was seated in front of his computer, elbow on the table and chin resting on top of his hand, simply raising his eyes unbothered upon seeing him. He was using the yellow shirt that Seungcheol threatened to burn at least five times just this month for the third day straight. 

— I thought it was going to take longer.

Seungcheol snorted, feeling offended even though he knew his appearance actually must look much closer to _psychotic_ at his levels of stress. — I risk my life for you and that’s how you receive me?!

— Uh… — Jihoon was really thinking deeply about it. — Welcome back, darling?

Seungcheol deadass just stared at him for a good full minute, his face red and glowing with a thin layer of sweat, messy hair and breathing in heavy breaks, and it was only when Jihoon was already crossing his legs to preventing himself from pissing his pants that he stated simply: 

— You are getting laid.

Jihoon’s wide eyes followed him as he marched into the room, throwing himself in the old couch against the wall with a tired groan, sitting with his legs wide apart in that way that left no room to anyone else. — I thought you were not in the mood, but… okay? I guess?

— Not by me, dumbass — Seungcheol just shook his head, pointing with a grin at the box now on his lap. — By him.

Jihoon raised an eyebrow, looking doubtful.

— The remote control? — he stared between the box and his friend’s face, letting out a whistled sigh while leaning on the arm of his chair — Is this a new kink or some shit?

Seungcheol chuckled devilishly. — More like _Mingyu’s_ remote control. I saw the guy and I can confidently say: he’s hot.

Jihoon coughed, eyes suddenly too interested in anything else but Seungcheol’s face. Even with the purple mood light and the computer being the only things that prevented the room from being completely dark, Seungcheol could bet that he was blushing. 

— W-what do you mean? With the getting laid part...

_Yeah, he was definitely blushing._

Seungcheol shrugged, clicking his tongue dismissively just for the sake of making Jihoon anxious. — What I'm trying to say is: you better work your ass to get laid by that guy — he stated, looking at Jihoon from the side before raising an eyebrow. — It's going to be a big waste if you don't, so listen to me when I say that you should go for it or else I will be the one going.

The fact that Seungcheol sounded for real while saying it made Jihoon cough again, shifting at his chair. — A-and what about it?

— And yes, you do have a crush on him — Seungcheol was looking strangely proud at his conclusion, a smirk lifting the corner of his lips as he hugged the box against his chest like it was a pillow. Jihoon just tilted his head to the side in acknowledgment, clicking his tongue like he was saying _“I mean…”_ and Seungcheol smiled even more upon thinking about the next step. — You better also take an actual shower before going to the gym next time, because he is going to talk to you there. Be nice.

Jihoon’s head snapped at him and his mouth was hanging open in utter outrage. — Yah! I always take a proper shower!

The fact that, out of everything, this was the part that worried him the most said a lot. Seungcheol raised a brow.

— Have you showered today?

Jihoon dismissed him with an unbothered snort, rolling in his chair to be in front of the computer again. — It’s not even past lunchtime yet.

Seungcheol just hummed at his excuse, not really paying a big mind to Jihoon’s known and lazy antics anymore. Leaving the box by his side on the sofa, his mind suddenly was stuck in that maze again, body getting heavy, something tight forming on his throat. He needed to talk.

— So, I was with Jeonghan this morning… — he scratched his eyes tiredly, stretching his arms until they were crossed behind his head, one of his hands patting his own hair involuntarily. Jihoon made a sound while still typing something on his computer to show that he was listening. 

— Yeah, the Sharpay. What about it? I was kinda curious when you-

— He wants to marry me.

Jihoon turned so fast in his chair that Seungcheol reached with his leg to stabilize it in case he lost balance.

— He did what! —Jihoon chirped out, eyes big and mouth hanging open in shock making him look _exactly_ like the Pikachu meme.

The thought distracted Seungcheol for a second, but Jihoon’s wide and fixed eyes were disturbing enough to prevent him from dozing off too much. — Well, you know… — he laughed awkwardly, not really knowing how to explain it. It still sounded impossible no matter how he tried to think about it. — Technically I was the one who said it first, he just bought it back.

Jihoon was not blinking. — Are you talking about the birthday gift or some shit?

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow, suspicious. 

— How do you know about it?

— Well, I’m sorry to be the one ruining your delulu dreams but you’re not exactly quiet when you’re drunk — Jihoon simply replied, tilting his head to the side. He was tapping at the desk with his fingers anxiously when he continued: — You cried talking about it at least twice, one of them being while we were fucking. You are _that_ gay.

Seungcheol gulped down, pretending not to feel his cheeks burning slightly. — Well…

— Why?

And for some reason the question still caught him by surprise. Even if it was already expected — and the only thing normal to do at this point —, being confronted so directly about it punched something inside him. It was not because Jihoon sound jealous or something like this, it was least likely that he would, but Seungcheol felt nervous like he had to explain a bank robbery.

— I don’t know — his voice was faded, eyes staring down. The nervousness quickly turned into bewilderedness. The unanswered questions from before came at full force now, creating a maelstrom inside his brain. — I don’t know why, Jihoon…

And despite everything else, this was what worried him the most.

Jihoon was silent for a moment, only slightly moving his head in contemplation. Rolling on his chair, he cleared his throat. — That was… unexpected. I thought you were best friends? — and then, upon thinking about it, he chuckled. — And I definitively never expected the Sharpay would be the one confessing.

— It was not a confession — Seungcheol groaned, tilting his head back to lean it against the back of the couch. He was feeling exhausted, as if talking about it was enough to drain all his energy. — Actually, I have no idea what it was. It sounded so… systematic. Strategic, almost like a plan.

Jihoon clunk his tongue.

— It just gets more and more fucked up — he contemplated. — I like it.

Seungcheol ignored the last part. — He talked a lot of nonsense, Jihoon, and looked scaringly determined about it. He said something about it being a necessity, becoming a convenience. That would be good for me too, because... — Seungcheol had to bite back his pride to say the next words, despite knowing that he was just being overly it: _prideful_ — Well, basically because I’m broke.

— What do you mean? — he could hear the frown in Jihoon’s voice. — Like, that would be better for you if you guys get married because you wouldn’t have to worry too much about money? 

— I think? — Seungcheol replied, still unsure. Thinking about it, he couldn’t help but laugh quietly. — Very sugar daddy of him, right? It doesn’t even match his-

— I think it’s a good idea.

_Silence._

_One, t_ _wo..._

— You what?! — Seungcheol’s voice was squeaky, eyes as big as the moon when his neck snapped to stare at Jihoon.

And Jihoon, on another hand, looked disturbingly calm. — Yeah, why not? Think about it, Cheol, if you-

— Oh no, no, no — Seungcheol shook his head firmly, resting against the couch again and wishing to have something to cover his ears. — I’m not thinking about anything. Head empty. 

Jihoon sounded annoyed. — Why do you have to be like this? It’s not like it actually isn’t going to be good for you. You wouldn’t have to worry about paying the rent and all the things you are always complaining about. Things that _we_ are always complaining about.

Seungcheol was the one annoyed now.

— So what? What about it? — he shoots back, looking at Jihoon straight in the eyes. — Why are you speaking like the fact that I don’t have money is enough for me to accept marrying my best friend? Since when is it simple like that?

— Cheol, I didn’t mean it-

— And there’s still the whole thing with Mina, did you forget about it? — his question was sharp, and Jihoon didn’t dare to say anything anymore. Of course he didn’t forget, how could he? Seungcheol closed his eyes, feeling something hot and dry getting at his throat, and the sudden tension in the air didn’t help him to breathe any better, especially now with the guilt feeling creeping out. — I have a lot of shit on my back right now, Jihoon — his voice was resigned now, not much louder than a whisper. — It’s not like I can just move in and sign some papers and it’s done. I don’t even know why Jeonghan suddenly wants it, to be honest.

Jihoon was moving back and forth on the wheels of his chair now, fingers playing with the ends of his shirt. Seungcheol thought that talking to him was the right thing to do, that he would be the only one with one or two brain cells able to finish the job of convincing him that the idea was completely crazy, but why the fuck he looked that he actually agreed with Jeonghan?

Seungcheol was suddenly glad that they never meet in person: his whole hair would be completely white just by the end of their greeting.

— You don’t know because you didn’t ask or because he didn’t tell you? — Jihoon questioned quietly, still looking quite distracted.

Seungcheol thought about it a little. — Both, I guess. We will have to talk later anyway, I was kind of… freaking out too much to really listen to anything — he answered frankly, staring at the ceiling again, the tired sigh becoming his trademark. — I just wanted to… I just wanted to run away, to be honest. 

Jihoon hummed quietly, nodding his head. The only thing they could hear during the moments in which both were in silence was the soft tune playing from Jihoon’s headphones, forgotten somewhere on the desk. 

— What is preventing you from thinking systematically as well then?

Seungcheol furrowed his eyebrows, a crease forming in the middle of his forehead at the sudden question. — What?

Jihoon looked at him. — You already said that Jeonghan didn’t confess to you, he’s not proposing it because of feelings or something like that — he elaborated, gesticulating with his hands. — It’s basically a fake marriage, Seungcheol. He surely has something to gain from it, and if you guys talk about it, I’m pretty sure you will have as well. He’s your best friend, after all. He wouldn’t propose anything that would turn out bad for you.

Seungcheol was ready to cut it right in the beginning, but the way Jihoon talked prevented him from doing so. There’s a hint of truth, an undeniable sense behind Jihoon's words that he was not so happy to admit, and Seungcheol would be lying if he said that there’s not a small part of him that was a half-a-half mix between curious and interested, and a little bigger one who agreed with him right on the spot.

_But there was so much at stake._

— But Mina-

— What is done, is done already — Jihoon was the one cutting him right now, and Seungcheol weakly raised his head to look at his friend, a little caught by surprise. — Stop using it as an excuse, Cheol. You both agreed on facing it anyway, so the only thing you can do right now is to find a way to make things as good as possible for the future. 

— But I can do it on my own — Seungcheol retorted, though his tone was not as firm as before. — I don't need Jeonghan's help.

He felt like Jihoon was trying to knock some sense inside his brain, and the effort apparently was draining all of his energy. 

— Stop with this bullshit, Seungcheol, we both damn well know how we live. Me, you, Sooyoung, Hansol, Mark and any other guy who tries to persuade this industry. You saw what I had to do, delaying my rent to buy a fucking remote control for us, and we both know that this is how it is, this is how it's going to be until we make it — Jihoon was serious while saying, and Seungcheol couldn't take his eyes away from him, shut down by what he meant. — You know how hard we have to work, how much we sacrifice to receive so little, you know how tired we get. We are just surviving with the bare minimum, destroying our bodies and health in the name of something uncertain. 

The sensation of something tightening his throat was back again and, looking at Jihoon’s face, listening to his words and thinking about the maze of success and fails that they were constantly stuck in, he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed.

Jihoon was not looking at him, shuffling in uncomfortable embarrassment as his eyes fixed in some random place just to avoid eye contact, and Seungcheol could tell why. He was also pretty sure that if they were in the studio now, having this conversation that together with the team, Soonyoung would be crying already. 

— What I am trying to say is… don't see it like you're selling yourself, like you're doing low to yourself just because of money — Jihoon said carefully, his voice somewhere between hesitant and incisive. — See it as an opportunity. Jeonghan is your best friend, you would have to ask for his help sooner or later in the situation that you are in.

And even if Jihoon didn't say the word, Seungcheol could read between the lines what was the hidden promise behind it.

 _Stability_.

He felt like a fever was running low under his skin, his body agitated with the sudden possibility that was long ago disregarded by him. At the same time, his mind went through a haze state, all the scenarios, worries, ghosts, and unanswered questions shoving him deeper and deeper inside the maze, the branches of the tree walls launching themselves on his chest, immobilizing.

 _Starving_.

Marrying Jeonghan was not the perfect solution; It wouldn't solve all of his problems, but would definitely facilitate at least half of them, especially in the new circumstances. It was not like the way to the end of the maze was simplified, but more like a new path had suddenly appeared at his side, a shortcut, and he could understand exactly why Jihoon was so determined to convince him: he was trying to make him see through it.

And then he started to question himself again, and this sign itself should be enough to cause the minimum warning; because, again, if this proposal was made three months ago, before he knew what he was about to deal with in the future as he does now, would he hesitate so much?

Upon the opportunity of not having to worry too much about either having dinner or paying the bus to go back home, of being able to do his music without the need of running away from infuriated landlords, would he think so much before agreeing?

_But there's Mina, and the-_

— Don't think too much — Jihoon interrupted at the perfect time, a hand pulling him back to the real world, stopping his mind from getting lost inside the rabbit warren. — I mean, do it, think carefully about it. But not now.

Seungcheol just looked at his friend’s face, at the way Jihoon was also looking at him now, and he knew without thinking much: he was the exact right person to go to, the only one who would be able to ground him again. Raising his fist, a small smile forming in the corner of his lips, Seungcheol felt the fever compressing and disappearing, leaving only a warm and cozy feeling behind that waved inside him as Jihoon greeted him back, the tips of his ears in a bright shade of pink noticed even in the low lightening.

_He felt at home._

— So… — Jihoon scratched the back of his head, awkwardly like he would be every time after this type of more serious talk, looking briefly at the computer screen before turning back to him. — Wanna go grab lunch? 

Seungcheol smirked as they started to get up. — As long as you're the only paying.

— Why would I pay for you, dumbass?

— Yah! — he screamed, the warm feeling rising to his face.— I risked my life for you!

Yeah, he was definitely at home.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for everyone reading!! every kudo and comment is highly important and encourages a lot, so don't forget to leave then if you can!!  
> someone curious about what's this new situation holding seungcheol back and worrying him so much?


	5. No dead bodies, just... a baby

— Yes, Shua, I’m eating well — Jeonghan rolled his eyes as he answered with exaggerated tiredness, just for the sake of making Joshua notice how he was not interested in talking about it. — Having fast food every day and french fries at the weekends. Now can you stop talking like you’re my mom instead of my brother and allow me to bitch a little?

Pressing the cellphone between his ear and shoulders, he had to manage walking with his oversized sweater pants without tripping around his compact laundry room, hands busy putting his clothes to dry at the clothesline next to the window. After an entire day working in the office, the fact that he still had to do the house chores upon arriving was worth a headache.

Joshua let out a soft huff of laughter on the other end, his voice sounding kinda lazy. — You’re always bitching, Jeonghan. Let me keep up the caring and homesick brother facade for a little longer, will you?

Jeonghan rolled his eyes again, babbling annoyed noises that no one could really understand and that just earned another laughter from Joshua, the pout on his lips noticeable even through the call. He would always whine at some point during their daily calls, an antic to which Joshua would just hum tenderly and reply with “yeah, I got it” but with his voice soft, the eye-smile that Jeonghan could almost see and missed more than what he was willing to admit.

Jeonghan hated him for being so loving.

— Did you go to work today? Mom said that you were doing some projects for a company, but I was in a hurry to leave so I didn’t understand very well. It’s everything okay?

Jeonghan hummed, putting the last pieces of clothing to dry and recognizing it as Seungcheol’s, most specifically the ones Jeonghan was wearing some days ago during the entire breakdown thing. He cursed himself for doing laundry just only once a week, because that was the exact worst moment ever to be reminded about his dumbass of a best friend.

— Yeah, I did some works for them in the past that were pretty successful, so they called again — he answered to Joshua, and he was being modest. Despite being just a young and independent market consultant, Jeonghan’s name was already quite known among the industry, especially after one advertisement created by him for a new ice cream brand becoming a big hit last year. — I’ve been working on a new one for them for some weeks now, and they made me a job offer recently.

— Oh, really? — Joshua chirped excitedly and Jeonghan could hear some rustling, like he was throwing himself on the bed. — And what did you say?

Jeonghan chuckled. He should have known better. 

— I doubled my price of course — he replied as if it was nothing, having finished with the laundry and moving towards the living room after flicking the lights off. — And their initial offer was already high enough, so you must imagine their faces when I didn’t accept it on the spot.

Joshua laughed in amused disbelief.

— And that’s why you will never get a fixed job — he shoots back, although his voice is painted with a fond tease. — Mom is right when she says that you’re too cocky to be employed. 

Jeonghan lets out an offended gasp, shaking his head even if he knew his stepbrother wouldn’t be able to see. 

— That’s what you guys are shitting behind my back? — he clucked his tongue despite the slight smile that was playing on his lips. It was hard to be away from Joshua for too long; he missed all the bickering. — I always knew that dad was the only one I could trust.

— Hey, don’t change the subject! — Joshua bursts in a giddy laugh, making Jeonghan’s own grin grown even wider upon the song-like sound. — But for real now, what are you going to do if they say no?

Jeonghan didn’t have to think much before answering. — Then they are the ones losing.

— You’re really too cocky, aren’t you?

A convinced smile lifted the corners of Jeonghan’s lips.

— I didn’t work my ass off to build my name since college to accept any crumb that they offer me, Joshuji — he replies, unconsciously biting his nails. — There are other companies that want to hire me, anyway. And even if they don’t, I still get a considerable number of freelance jobs every now and then that pay well enough for me to live through two raw could. It’s not like I’m desperate.

Joshua hummed in agreement before letting out a small sigh. — I wish it was that easy for me too. But you know, not everyone is as lucky as Yoon Jeonghan.

— Ah, Joshuji — Jeonghan cooed softly. He could feel even the slightest hint of tiredness behind his brother’s voice. — Don’t put it like that. You know that things in the States are different, especially in the field you are graduating in. I remember Seungcheol used to have at least two mental breakdowns per week when he was studying music in college, but he went through it.

Joshua scoffed in a breathy chuckle. — I thought he had quitted it?

— He did, two months before graduating. The breakdown was so strong that he even dyed his hair red back then — Jeonghan simply added. — But hey, not everyone needs to have a degree or any paper with a stamp saying that you know enough about the shit you’re doing. And he’s better now.

He could hear Joshua sighing quietly on the other side and was still biting at his nail out of a bad habit when his brother suddenly burst into a disbelieved laugher. — So that’s it? Are you telling me to quit as well? 

Jeonghan just shrugged, his eyes lazily scanning his living room for something slightly messy or out of place. Sitting on the big leather sofa that sometimes seemed too big to be used alone, with his knees pressed to his chest as he curled up with the cellphone still pressed to his ear, he felt a cold wind blowing through the apartment even if the door to the balcony was closed. He knew that this cold feeling had nothing to do with the weather.

Thinking about it now, Jeonghan knew that it was because he felt lonely.

— There're differences, Shua. The fact that you’re more determined than Seungcheol and will actually do it is one of them — was what he managed to say, and for some reason just thinking about Joshua and Seungcheol was enough to make something stir inside him.  _ How could he miss them already? And how could he still manage to keep his voice steady?  _ — And the graduation you’re going for differs from his, anyway. You will be an excellent teacher, Shua, so don’t worry too much, hum?

His brother sighed again, unaware of the sudden shift in his emotions. — Apparently that’s not what the schools in here seem to think. I never knew that they asked for too much when hiring someone to literally just teach teenagers how to pull guitar strings and differentiate some notes.

Jeonghan frowned, stopping his task of literally liquidating the nail of his thumb to absorb the exhaustion coming from his brother’s voice. He didn’t like the idea of Joshua going through a hard time.

And when the gears of his creative brain started to work just like they did when he was planning a new campaign, it didn’t take much until he got an answer.

_ A shortcut. _

— Mom and dad are planning on coming back to Korea after the graduation, right? — Jeonghan asked besides knowing the answer already, since the only reason his mom and stepfather moved to the States was to support Joshua after he was transferred to finish his degree there. After hearing his brother’s agreement, he hummed. — Why don’t you come back with them as well?

— But the schools there will be even more rigorous and I-

— You never thought about teaching kids? — he interrupted, the actual idea coming out. — Like, I’m not talking about 10 years old kids, but the ones that would be speechless just over the fact that you have enough coordination to use both hands to something more than just eat sand. 

Joshua took a brief pause and it was enough for Jeonghan to feel the hint of accomplishment already growing inside him.

— Teaching in a daycare then? — his brother wondered, thoughtful. — But I could do it here in the States.

Jeonghan snorted, annoyed. 

— Oh, come on, don’t be an ass. Why would you stay behind when you can be together with your family and, most importantly, with me? — with a cluck of his tongue, he continued: — And actually it would be easier here. I’m pretty sure I have a customer that sponsors a recreation center or something like that. I even have an appointment scheduled with him for next month, if you are interested.

He really hoped that Joshua was not the prideful type that rejects help from the others —  _ the Seungcheol type —, _ because he was honestly not bluffing at the top of his lungs for nothing.

But Joshua, dear Joshua for the sake of God and all the upcoming innumerable calls Jeonghan would have to do, just laughed in amusement at the idea.

— I have to admit: you can even pass as someone serious talking like that. — he added teasingly: — The privileges of having an older brother, they say.

— You are literally just two months younger than me, dummy — Jeonghan retorted, despite the way his lips are curving in a fond smile. There’s no point in denying how much he missed Joshua anymore. — Tell me if you are up for it or I won’t even waste my time trying to convince old and rich men to pay you twice more than what you deserve. 

Joshua lets out a burst laugh, the loudest one since the beginning of the call, almost half an hour ago when Jeonghan had just arrived home from his da y at the company. He could almost  _ see _ his nose scrunching and it made the stir get even stronger.

— Mom will beat your ass if she hears you talking about me like that! — Joshua chirped out, his voice squeaking, and Jeonghan found himself laughing too, his nose scrunching almost in the same way. — That’s the type of client you want her to think you have? 

— Everything for my Joshuji — he cooed haughtily. Laying down on the couch in a ball, Jeonghan wished he had brought the fluffy blue blanket that he saw folded on top of the clothes dryer with him. — When are you coming back then?

— Miss me that much? — Joshua asked sardonically, letting out a giggle at Jeonghan’s  _ “bitch you know I do”.  _ — I don’t know exactly, everything depends on how well I go in these last exams _.  _ I don’t think I will stay for the graduation celebration, so probably in three months?

Jeonghan hummed, nuzzling his face against one of the pillows. The cold feeling was coming back again like a fickle gale, his hands freezing to the touch. — And what do you-

He was interrupted by the bell ringing through the apartment and the door being open before he could even process it or move to do to something, the sight of a hurried Seungcheol entering his living room after kicking his shoes like it was his own house being disturbing for a second. With his hands carrying two plastic bags, he looked up almost nonchalantly.

— Who are you talking to? — he asked, throwing his keys in a small vase Jeonghan left on a table next to the door.

Still a little caught by surprise, he barely registered Joshua on the other side asking if everything was okay. — It’s fine, Shua. It was just Seungcheol — he replied, voice a little distant, eyes fixed on Seungcheol walking towards him and then stopping midway with a frown. — Can I talk to you later?

Joshua was the one who hung up, and Jeonghan was still lying on his sofa with a bewildered expression as Seungcheol looked around. — What’s wrong, Cheol?

— Why it’s so cold here? — Seungcheol asked with his hands agitated, not taking his jacket off. _ Oh, so it was cold after all. _ — Where’s the AC control? And why do you look like a little penguin curled there?

Jeonghan just shook his head, pulling the sleeves of his pajama down to hold his fist in sweater paws. — The AC is not on.

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow and it took just one more glance at Jeonghan's direction for him to turn back and place the bag he bought on top of the dining table, moving towards the kitchen without saying a word. Jeonghan knew he was digging in the laundry room just by the sound of the lights flicking on, and was honestly already waiting for it when Seungcheol came back with the exact blue blanket he was longing for a minute ago, offering it to him but retracting his hands before Jeonghan could reach for it like he had changed his mind.

— No, let’s eat first — he left the blanket on the other side of the couch, too far to Jeonghan even reach it with his foot, and was offering his hands to him as his eyebrows furrowed again. — Did you have dinner already? Are you eating well lately?

Jeonghan rolled his eyes, besides holding Seungcheol’s hands anyway to be pulled until he in a sitting position. 

— What’s up with you guys inspecting my eating habits now?

Seungcheol stared at him in boredom before simply turning back and walking towards the table again. — You honestly look like a stick man, Jeonghan. I’m pretty sure if we move you in the right way under the sunlight you will surely catch on fire.

Jeonghan felt the need to be offended but was too busy focusing on not to trip; he always got a little sleepy every time it was cold. 

— I’m very proud of my skinny ass, to your information — he retorted in a small voice, lazily following Seungcheol and sitting by the table while the other was going through the bags. — And what’s the point of ringing the bell if you’re going to enter my apartment like a tornado just a second later? 

Seungcheol didn’t take his eyes away from the packagings of Taco Bell while answering, — I’m a man of manners. I just ring it to give you a chance to hide if you’re naked or something.

— Nothing you never saw before — Jeonghan stated, slumped shoulders and pursed lips as he leaned on the chair that suddenly felt too uncomfortable as Seungcheol patiently set everything down, handing him a taco and piece of a napkin while pushing the little sauce containers in his direction. Jeonghan looked up halfway through a bite with curious and tendentious eyes, a hint of tease behind his words. — What’s up with the whole hyung vibe so suddenly?

Seungcheol had just sat down and was grabbing his own taco before shrugging. — I just figured it would be better to fill your tapeworms before talking about our marriage. 

Jeonghan felt a piece of tortilla getting stuck in the middle of his fucking throat when he choked, coughing like a tuberculous old man. 

— What?!

— Oh, so that’s how it feels like — Seungcheol reflected while smiling in delight, looking a little too entertained by the utter shock shaking Jeonghan’s eyes. — But don’t get too excited over it. I talked to Jihoon and what I have to say will probably crush down your dreams and make you finally give up about it. 

Jeonghan’s chin jutted out as he tried his best to keep the pout out of his voice. — You told me it was not because of him!

_ Well, he failed. _

— And it’s not, but he was the only one who I could talk to about it — Seungcheol shrugged, taking one more bite of his taco in perfect peace despite the way Jeonghan was staring suspiciously at him from the side, stuffed cheeks making he looks like a hamster. — What?

— Remind me about one thing: how did you guys even meet? — he asked with a raised eyebrow, suddenly holding his taco with one hand like Seungcheol’s response would be the determinator factor if he would smash it on the floor or just keep eating normally. — It feels like he was always there, always _ with you _ .

Seungcheol seemed to be more surprised by the fact that Jeonghan didn’t instantly chirped out over the entire marriage thing than about the question itself. — W-We meet while trying to sell our demos for the same company. We were the only ones in the wait room, we were both rejected… well, everything kind of clicked up after it.

Jeonghan was still looking no-so-convinced at him, crossing one of his arms since the other one was still holding the taco. — When?

— Uh… two years ago, I guess? Prism Filter was born just a couple of months after it — Seungcheol was about to take another bite when he suddenly threw a dirty look at Jeonghan. — I told you about it already but apparently you were too focused on venting out about your boyfriend to pay attention.

Jeonghan made the final decision to just continue eating his taco to avoid the accusation in Seungcheol’s voice. — Which one of them?

— The long-haired one, with the piercings — Seungcheol remembered, gesticulating towards his own curly and messy hair. Jeonghan wondered when was the last time it was blessed with the grace of a comb. — The Jaebum guy. I will not lie: I kinda liked him.

Jeonghan hummed in acknowledgment, dipping a piece of nacho in the green sauce. — More than Jaehyun?

— Nah — Seungcheol thought about it for a single second before shaking his head. — Jaehyun seemed to be more gentle and cared more about you.

The fact that Seungcheol was always the first one to meet and knew about all the boyfriends he had should be a sign, but Jeonghan was too focused on finishing his food to care about his apparent and constant need for approval.

— You know that it’s not like I care too much about it, right? — he asked, more nonchalantly than he really was. — I’m not that much of a softie.

Seungcheol snorted. — Just drop the bad bitch agenda already — he shoots, raising an eyebrow as the corner of his lips lifted tauntingly. — We both know very well that you cried when I tucked you to bed two weeks ago.

Jeonghan was unsure between either let out a fake scandalized gasp or to just pretend that there’s not a small ball of embarrassment creeping out to his cheeks. 

— In my defense, I had a rough day when it happened — the last option seemed to be the best since he took too much to Seungcheol believe in it. He figured out acting annoyed now would save his ass at least a little from feeling  _ completely  _ embarrassed. — And honestly, how do you expect me not to cry when you carried me to the room and literally  _ tucked me to bed _ ? You know that I’m basically an orphan kid now, the fact that you have all that sweet talk on you didn’t help.

The way Seungcheol’s face brightened was priceless. He was smiling while eating the leftovers of his taco, eyes sparkling and eyebrows slightly raising with something that looked like proudness while he clapped his hands together to get rid of the tortilla crumbs in his fingers. 

Jeonghan really hated that he looked so accomplished right now.

— Okay then, baby — he slowly agreed, a smug chuckle breaking in shortly after. Jeonghan really hoped that he could feel the threat behind his sharp gaze, but Seungcheol was still looking fondly at him like he was nothing more than a lovely kid. — Finish your food first, we still need to talk, hm?

Jeonghan couldn’t believe he got distracted enough to forget about what was probably the biggest matter in his life in these last days, maybe even more than his pending job offer. He was still very curious to know why Seungcheol had suddenly shown up at his place like this, two days after their talk in the coffee place that didn’t really get anywhere since Seungcheol just sweet-talked him through an inertia state so he could easily run away.

And Jeonghan was definitely curious to know what would be the thing that would make him quote on quote “give up” about the marriage, because he was sure it would not happen no matter what Seungcheol could tell him.

Practically shoving the last pieces of tortillas down his throat as Seungcheol cleaned the table and collected the empty recipients, carrying them to the crash can in the kitchen, Jeonghan practically ran to get back on the sofa, cheeks full and blue blanket safely wrapped around his shoulders as he waited to his best friend to come back. Rocking himself back and forth without even noticing it, Jeonghan could feel his toes curling up in nervousness.

Seungcheol let out a giggle upon taking a look at him, but sighed as soon as he sat down, groaning like an old man who had to hold his knees because of his poor joints.

Jeonghan wondered if he would have to buy him calcium supplements when they start to live together — and the fact that he was thinking about something in this level of intimacy and weirdness was enough to make him feel a stomach-coiling uneasiness. Of course the idea that maybe this was about to become something  _ real _ didn’t help a lot too. 

Nervous, Jeonghan didn’t really know if he should be the one to bring it out first or if the best thing to do was just wait for Seungcheol to do so, since he already took the big step of going there without Jeonghan needing to guilt-trip him to it. The second option seemed the safest one, especially because he was still too surprised to think about something to say that didn’t involve teasingly jokes that he was pretty sure wouldn’t be appreciated right now, not when the mood already dropped into the sober edge.

But taking that big step seemed to had taken a lot of Seungcheol already, because he was just sitting there without moving, eyes fixed somewhere distant, the only motion being when he sighed and tilted his head to lean it against the back of the couch. Jeonghan was honestly very proud of himself for being so patient, but he felt like he couldn’t wait any longer when Seungcheol just closed his eyes, unbothered by Jeonghan’s fixed and intrigued gaze on his face, looking like he had no intention of talking at all and could just fall asleep like that at any moment.

Jeonghan couldn’t let that happened, not when he was possibly so close to getting an answer.

— So… — his voice was tiny as he drew random patterns with his fingers on the seat of the couch, suddenly uneasy to look up. 

— So… — and he was surprised to hear Seungcheol humming back, eyes still closed.

Biting at his bottom lip nervously, Jeonghan felt a sudden heat rising to his cheeks, and he was more embarrassed about  _ being embarrassed _ than about what he probably could say. 

— Are we… are we getting married, Cheol?

Jeonghan himself got surprised by his own words, by the way it sounded after leaving his lips. 

Even if he had already asked and practically  _ begged _ Seungcheol to marry him in the last time they met at the coffee shop, hearing his own voice sounding so hopeful and yet hesitant felt unfamiliar, like a foreign language being pronounced for the first time. He felt a kind of shame that weighed like nudity, as if he was exposing until deep down his bones, and he knew that it was because the question, in fact,  _ held _ the weight from there. 

For the most overreacting it could sound, Jeonghan felt like it would only take one answer, one simple syllable muttered from Seungcheol to concretize if he would suffocate completely or be set free.

_ Please say yes, please… even if it sounds crazy now, say yes… _

Seungcheol only shook his head then, and Jeonghan had to bite back whatever was about to go up to his throat, his heart being caught by it. — I’m not the one to tell.

Jeonghan’s mind was on a frenzy as he tried his best to just keep looking at Seungcheol’s face. — What? W-what do you mean?

Seungcheol sucked in a breath before turning his face to look at him, his big chocolate eyes so deep that Jeonghan had to focus to not get drown into them. 

— You will have to decide if you still want to marry me or not after what I have to tell you, and I will understand if you don’t.a brief hint

Something in his tone made Jeonghan giggle, the kind that was a mix of snort and breathless laugh; he knew it was just out of pure nervousness. 

— I highly doubt that there’s something so serious that would make me change my mind, Cheol — he said, and there was a hint of suppressed hysteria sketching the last notes of his words and staining his restless eyes; it was only when Seungcheol’s expression stayed frozen in a hesitant frown that he started to feel his heart beating against his ribcage. — W-What? What’s that, Seungcheol? Fuck, why do you look like you killed someone?

And when Seungcheol’s frown shifted into an apologetic face, eyebrows furrowed in agony, Jeonghan could swear to God that his Inside Outs were running crazily as the command center of his brain caught on fire. — W-What? Bitch, you- what the fuck, Seungcheol?!

— No, no, no! — the brunette quickly burst out, desperate hands coming to hold Jeonghan’s ones who were flying everywhere, hitting him in the chest and arms as his voice raised to an ear-splitting shriek. — For fuck’s sake, stop it! Do you really think I would fucking kill someone?! Stop it!

Jeonghan froze, eyes wide and hysterical staring at him in an almost manic way, both wrists being held by Seungcheol who was as frantic as him. Pointing out his index finger from a pathetic angle, Jeonghan demanded: — So you didn’t kill anyone? 

Seungcheol was looking at him like he had just suggested to slap his mom in the face, astonished and low key offended that Jeonghan even considered it as an option.

— Of course I didn’t! — his voice was nothing more than a high-pitched whine, hands leaving his friend’s wrist to fall helplessly at his lap. Jeonghan crossed his arms and tilted his chin suspiciously with a  _ “humpf” _ , blanket now far gone from his shoulders from the whole agitation as he stared down at Seungcheol, who was literally pouting right now. —  _ Whyyy? _

— Say it — he ordered, eyes still wide open in suspicion. Was Seungcheol trying to send him nuts or something? Because he felt like he was really close to. — Say. It. Now.

Seungcheol gulped down and avoided Jeonghan’s gaze as he played nervously with a single thread from his hoodie, fingers shaking and foot-stomping on the floor. Jeonghan’s throat got dry as he waited. 

— So…

— _ Bitch. _

— Okay! Okay, geez, I will say it — closing his eyes for a second, he sucked in a breath before hesitantly looking at Jeonghan’s again. — I didn’t kill anyone. I more like…  _ lived... someone _ ? I guess? 

He was genuinely dumbfounded. — Can’t you fucking say it like a normal human being? I’m about to scream again, just to let you know, so you better-

— I lived a kid.

Jeonghan didn’t even blink. — Excuse me but what the fuck?

— Yeah, I mean... — Seungcheol gesticulated awkwardly, words seeming hard to leave his mouth and forming a proper and cohesive sentence that consisted with something more than muttering. He was trying, at least. — What I’m trying to say is that I… I will have a kid, — and looking up to meet Jeonghan’s shocked eyes, he continued — I will be a dad, Jeonghan.

_ Oh.  _

_ Oh, so that’s it. _

_ No dead bodies, just... a baby. _

He was not sure if it was any better, to be honest.

Jeonghan leaned with his back pressed against the couch with a heavy thump, eyes fixed ahead, unconsciously mimicking Seungcheol’s position as they sat next to each other without saying a word. 

And that’s it: he simply did not know what to say. The idea was swinging in circles around his mind, words repeating countless, but they didn't seem to get in. And while trying to process it, he got intrigued by something.

— How long do you know about it?

Seungcheol didn’t waste a second to answer, as if he was even counting the days. — Two months.

— And why the Boss Baby knew about it, but I didn't? — Jeonghan asked annoyingly, voice getting high-pitched with irritation. He could feel Seungcheol slowly turning his face to look at him and he couldn’t help but stare back. — What?

Seungcheol seemed like that was not exactly the question he was waiting for. 

— I tell you I will have a kid and the only thing you worry about was that you were not the first one to know? — his voice was painted with bored disbelief.

Jeonghan, on the other hand, couldn’t believe that it was even a question. Biting back a snort, he tilted his head.

— Okay, I will reformulate it so you can understand better then: how long does Jihoon knows about it?

_ Shit _ .

Seungcheol gulped down, voice losing the confidence from earlier. — Two months…

Jeonghan let out a fake exasperated gasp, uncrossing his arms just so he could exaggeratedly cross them again. — That’s very interesting, isn't it?!

Seungcheol just sighed as he closed his eyes, face leaning against the sofa tiredly. Jeonghan was still staring at him like he was actually the one who found one he was going to be a dad soon and was waiting for a detailed explanation of _how it happened,_ and he got honestly surprised when Seungcheol’s eyes suddenly shoot open and he pointed out with reinvigorated energy:

— Yah, it’s not like you can’t demand too much from me as well! You were the one who asked me to marry you and didn’t even give me a reason for it!

_ Well _ , Jeonghan’s inner and shitty self-reflected,  _ he has a point. _

But of course he wouldn’t be the one to tell. — And you’re just telling me that you are having a baby because you thought it would make me give up about said marriage! 

Seungcheol whined just like a contradicted kid, throwing his entire body back and leaning against the arm of the sofa in an awkward position, his hand lowering from the bridge of his nose to cover his eyes. Jeonghan just watched with the ghost of a smile lifting the corner of his lips the slightest, waiting with his answer already at the tip of his tongue because he just knew Seungcheol well enough to know what was about to come next.

— So you are not giving up?

— No.

Seungcheol groaned loudly and Jeonghan, amused by it, let out a chuckle. 

— What’s wrong? You really thought that I would give up on marrying you just because I will be an uncle?

Seungcheol looked honest-to-god at the verge of crying when he threw his hand up just for it to fall helplessly at his lap, exasperated. — I did!

Jeonghan smiled at the sight of his pout and grabbed the remaining part of the fluffy blanket to throw it on top of him. Crossing his arms again, head slightly tilted back but still facing his friend, he raised a brow slightly.

— You still must sweat a lot to get me — he shrugged. — Now tell me, who’s the mom?

There was a brief moment of silence before Seungcheol just stared at him with a disbelieved frown. — How can you treat something like that like it is that simple? And why the fuck do you look so happy right now?

Jeonghan just rolled his eyes. 

— Yah, I’m willing to ignore the fact that you kept it from me for so long, okay? — he scolded quietly, a fake tiredness in his voice. Taking vantage of the situation, he lifted his foot to place it on Seungcheol’s lap, simply smiling at him upon his hard glare. — I can still put out a show if you want me to. You know my Broadway mode is always in standby.

Seungcheol shook his head automatically. — No, no, it’s okay. Do you remember about Mina?

— Hmm, the one from college? — Jeonghan asked while getting some pillows to place behind his back, getting comfortable and looking completely unbothered as Seungcheol grabbed and started to massage his right ankle, laying down like a king being told about what of interesting happened at his village during the day. — I think she was a Social Science major or something?

Seungcheol’s eyes were not meeting his anymore.

— Yeah… she dropped a couple of months before I did, but we kept in touch with each other and-

— Of course you did — Jeonghan had a sardonic grin. — She was your most beautiful booty call, after all.

Seungcheol sported a slight frown. — It was more like I was the booty call, actually.

— Oh? 

— You know, I’m weak when it comes to women — he shrugged, getting his hand under the blanket just so he could rub a particular spot at Jeonghan’s ankle properly. It seemed like doing it was helping him to get distracted enough to talk about it without feeling so uneasy. — She called me when she felt like it, and I was just kind of always there. There were no feelings involved though, but then…

It didn’t look like Seungcheol was up to finishing his saying, and Jeonghan didn’t need much to understand where this was heading to.

— But then she got pregnant — Jeonghan concluded quietly

It was explicit already, both from Seungcheol’s explanation and from all the things he said before, but it felt like Jeonghan still needed to repeat it a couple times more for the idea really sink in. He couldn’t get himself to see or even to think about Seungcheol being a father, an actual father of an actual kid, not just as the figurative one he was always pointed out to act like.

And if he didn’t act it out yet, suddenly he could understand why Seungcheol was so scared.

Because, deep down, he was too. 

— Yes — Seungcheol agreed in a tired and low voice, eyes still down. For a moment it felt like he was talking to himself, his next words coming out in a heavy exhale. — Then she got pregnant _... _

Jeonghan just hummed, eyes fixed somewhere but not enough to pay attention to anything. Once again, he didn’t know what to say. 

The idea was just slowly getting there.

He couldn’t tell how long they stayed like that, in silence, the only motion being from Seungcheol’s fingers pressing softly against his foot like he was doing it purely out of habit, or maybe because he also didn’t have idea of what to do. It felt like he was waiting for Jeonghan to say something and the latter normally wouldn’t care much about it, leaving Seungcheol to drown in that expectation just for fun, but he couldn’t get himself to do it now.

He knew that Seungcheol needed it.

— So — he started quietly, mentally cursing the fact that his apartment was always so silent, because the lack of noise pressured him to fill it. There was also a little voice inside his brain telling that Seungcheol wasn’t going to appreciate what he was about to ask so much. — What you are going to do now?

It was one of these questions that needed to be asked but no one wants to do it, and Jeonghan couldn’t ignore it even upon the frown Seungcheol sported; if Jeonghan was the type who tended to take things easily just to solve them faster, Seungcheol was the one who tended to sweep his problems to under the rug just so he didn’t have to deal with them until the last minute.

Jeonghan hated it and he was starting to get annoyed by of the lack of answer when he kicked Seungcheol in the chest with no much strength, just enough for him to drop the way he was pursing lips while pretending that nothing was happening. Seungcheol rolled his eyes then, the irritation in his voice being just a taste of everything he was keeping inside. 

— I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what I’m going to do — he burst out. There was a hint of something different in his eyes, in the way he looked everywhere but Jeonghan, face slowly but surely turning a bit red. — Mina’s parents don’t accept the pregnancy and she can’t do anything about it because she just went back to college last year and she’s living in a dorm. There’s no way she can support the baby. 

Jeonghan hissed without even noticing. He started to see it from a different perspective now. 

— What are you telling me? Are you guys thinking about… not keeping it?

The fact that Seungcheol shook his head like it was out of question took a weight from his shoulders. — No, no, we are a not. We… — Seungcheol trailed off, gesticulating over nothing. Letting out a sigh, he shook his head again while leaning tiredly against the sofa again, almost mimicking Jeonghan position but staring at the ceiling instead. — We are keeping it.

— How? — Jeonghan couldn’t help but ask. — If her parents don't-

— I will keep it — Seungcheol retorted, and for the first time there was no hesitation in his voice. Jeonghan could feel something close to determination coming from him. — I will keep the baby on my own. I mean, at least until Mina finishes her graduation and gets a job, so we are going to do it together.

Something strange and bitter stringed inside Jeonghan. He swallowed hard to let go of this unknown feeling. — Together? Are you two dating or something now?

It would make sense, honestly. It would justify why Seungcheol refused the marriage proposal even if it was fake; he was going to be with Mina, even if there's a quote on quote “no feelings involved” just to support the pregnancy better. It would be good, would be better for the baby to have both parents together; Jeonghan himself could point out a lot of marriages that were formed like that.

He was able to identify the bitter feeling now: it was the fear of being rejected officially. 

But Seungcheol just shook his head again. — No. By “together” I mean like, shared custody or some legal shit like that.

Jeonghan hummed, feeling like he needed some time to process everything now. If Seungcheol and Mina were not together and Seungcheol said before that it would depend on Jeonghan either they got married or not after what he had to say, so it means that it’s not over yet, right? 

The sudden news demanded a change in the route, of course, but hearing Seungcheol talking about it so soberly, as if he had spent a lot of time thinking about it in the past few months — which Jeonghan knew he did — was enough to make Jeonghan feel that he was also willing to do it.

The idea seemed to have sunk in completely now, and he had to admit: it didn’t seem that bad. Complicated, but not like something they couldn’t make work.

— May I ask now why you didn’t tell me about it before? — there was no annoyance in his voice now, just pure curiosity.

Seungcheol apparently noticed it, because his reaction was nothing more than just replying like the words were being pushed out lazily. — I didn’t want to worry you with my problems.

_ Of course, _ the little inner self retorted again, not surprised. 

But the outer one just snorted, raising an eyebrow in skepticism. 

— So what? You would just wait until the baby was born to show up with them at my door, because you would  _ obviously _ have solved it all by then? — he asked cynically, holding himself from crossing his arms again. This type of attitude coming from Seungcheol always annoyed him the most, the prideful type. — And still, you told Jihoon about it.

Jeonghan purposefully ignored the fact that he had said Jihoon’s name enough times for it to look like jealousy, but if Seungcheol lost the chance to point this out, then he would not be the one to do so.

— In my defense, — Seungcheol started, still staring at the ceiling. — There’s no way I can keep anything from Jihoon, even if I try to. He noticed something was off as soon as I started to write emo songs. He called me an Avril Lavigne wannabe, and I was not even offended. 

— Bullshit — he retorted dismissively, earning a quick head rise from Seungcheol, who was now looking at him with curiosity. — You need to stop thinking about how things will be when you solve them in the future if you ever manage to do it, but about how to solve them now.

Seungcheol just kept staring at him until a slight smirk lifted a corner of his lips. — I thought you were the one who didn’t take things seriously?

The kick Jeonghan pressed against his chest was stronger this time.

— But you don’t see me going around making kids because of this, right? — he retaliated, unbothered. Seungcheol pressed his lips in a tight line, already regretting the tease. — What’s the point of taking things seriously and still be dumb? Because I have to say, sweetheart, it was  _ dumb-dumb. _

— Can you please, — Seungcheol practically implored, eyes closed. —  _ please _ don’t make me think about it in that way? It is still my baby, anyway.

_ Oh God, he’s already attached. _

— Of course I can — Jeonghan shrugged, not resisting the urge of crossing his arms again. — But I think my niece or nephew deserves more than living in a small and dark room at the back of a workshop, don’t you think?

— I-

Taking a deep breath, Jeonghan exhaled all at once: — Just move here already, Seungcheol. 

Maybe Jeonghan in fact doesn’t take most things so seriously just like Seungcheol said, but both of them knew that he just overthink as much as latter did, and Jeonghan goes even further: he was way more perceptive than Seungcheol, he looked for solutions in an automatic and practiced manner, sorting out everything in percentages of hit or miss, and he was pretty sure it was the best thing to do now, even if the idea popped out and left his mouth before he could even process and rethink about it again.

Deep inside, unconsciously, he knew that it was the right thing to do.

And Seungcheol was still looking at him saying without saying anything, sucking in a breath. — Do you understand now?

Jeonghan’s face shifted into a confused frown. Why does his voice sound so dense?

— What do you mean?

— Do you understand why I didn’t tell you about it? And why I didn’t accept to marry you before? — he questioned, and upon Jeonghan’s unchanged expression, he continued: — You would want to-

Jeonghan snorted as soon as it got him. — Of course I would want to help you, shithead — he interrupted, and the fact that Seungcheol rolled his eyes annoyed him a little. — Yah! Listen here: you need to stop being so stubborn, Choi Seungcheol, and start to accept that sometimes getting help from the others is the best thing to do. So you better choke on your pride ass because I will help you anyway, and I would even if we didn’t get married.

And, to his surprise, Seungcheol only raised an eyebrow. — Who said that we are getting married?

It took Jeonghan all the will inside his body to keep his eyes at a normal size.

— B-but I thought-

Seungcheol looked annoyingly proud now and it was honestly hard to understand how he went from hopeless to cocky so fast. Jeonghan felt the spell turning against him as he had to press his lips together, just waiting for the final condition.

— I told you about what was holding me back from accepting the proposal — he slowly explained, and Jeonghan felt his throating clenching as he understood it. The confirmation that Seungcheol in fact only told him about the baby because the marriage would bother way more if he was not fighting back a big wave of expectation. — So now you need to tell me what’s the reason behind it. 

Of course. Of course Seungcheol wouldn’t show up at his door, talking about something that he was determined not to and opening up completely if he didn’t intend to ask for something back. Even if Jeonghan knew that he was not in the place of expecting so much, especially since he was the one who started this whole mess, he couldn’t help but feel like he got caught in a trap.

The fact that Seungcheol crossed his arms behind his back just so he could see him better and still had that _ fucking smirk _ still on his face was not helping a lot too.

And now, knowing what he had been keeping inside during all this time, Jeonghan almost felt like his reasons were suddenly small enough to pass as pathetic. He knew they were still valid, but it was nothing compared to having a baby to raise on your own.

But would Seungcheol think like that too?

— … But we can talk about it later if you don’t feel comfortable to do it now 

Jeonghan’s eyes moved up before he couldn’t control it. When he looked at Seungcheol’s face, the gentle smile he was sporting was enough to set him at ease. He should’ve known it. Seungcheol would never force the words out of him if he got the slightest hint that Jeonghan was not comfortable enough for that. 

— So we are really doing this? — Jeonghan asked in a tiny voice. He sounded so hopeful that Seungcheol couldn't help but laugh. — This is serious, Cheol! Are we getting married or not? 

With his eyes dropping slightly into the worried edge again, he sighed while watching Jeonghan — and the latter could understand it. For the first time he could understand why Seungcheol would always take two steps back every time the words were said out loud, he could understand his reasons and the weight of them now. It explained everything, all the previous push and pull since the proposal. It was not about him anymore.

And since he could understand him now, Jeonghan wondered what more he was losing about Seungcheol’s life since both of them started to be so busy with their own jobs to keep as much contact with each other as before. Being aware of this part now made him feel like they were slowly getting back to what they were before the adult life hit them like a frenzy.

— You understand that it is not only about marriage anymore, right?

Jeonghan had to take a couple of seconds to come down from his hype and think about it, trying to understand in fact what Seungcheol was saying, but he already knew. With his shoulders coming down with the weight of the realization, he weakly nodded his head, sober. 

— Of course. There's the baby now — looking up for an unconscious confirmation that came in the form of a nod, Jeonghan tilted his chin up with a hint of renewed determination filling his eyes. — Let's do it then.

Seungcheol furrowed his dark eyebrows. — Hm?

— Let's do it, Cheol — he was the one smiling proudly now, setting back at his previous position and mimicking Seungcheol laying on the other side of the sofa, pressing his toes against the latter ribs teasingly. — Let's get married and take care of your baby together.

Despite smiling while saying it, Jeonghan felt the nervous knot inside him growing bigger as he pretended not to be carefully watching Seungcheol's reaction. It was always like this when dealing with him: Jeonghan never know what to expect. He never knew when Seungcheol was about to turn at him and say that he changed his mind suddenly.

And even if Seungcheol insisted that he was treating something as serious as a marriage hastily, Jeonghan was well aware of everything it held, of all the implications that come along with it. 

He was not the type to let it show, but he had a moment of regret when thinking about all of this after making the proposal, after the heat of the breakdown had come down, and deep down he was still divided between taking the marriage as a solution to his problems or just a matter of pride, but how could he go back now?

Now, after being aware of what Seungcheol was keeping to himself during all this time and understanding the weight of it, how could he give up about something that wouldn’t help just himself and his friend, but also a new life?

Oh God, Jeonghan already  _ knows _ that we will be a whipped uncle. He could feel it in his bones.

And the idea, surprisingly, didn’t sound that bad.

He was shaken off his thoughts by Seungcheol’s eyes slowly focusing on his again, what made Jeonghan think he was not the only one contemplating about the idea. A small voice inside his mind reminded that Seungcheol still had given no answer of agreement, and the thought that he seemed to be about to do it made Jeonghan feel like everything was expanding and becoming so full inside him that he couldn't help holding his breath. 

— Okay — Seungcheol's response came not much louder than a whisper, and Jeonghan wouldn't even be able to understand it if he was not waiting so eagerly for it. — Let's do it, Hannie.

It felt like a lightning strike. Short and electrifying, and suddenly his whole body was agitated.

Jeonghan let out a shriek that could shatter glass when he threw himself on top of Seungcheol, hands smacking his chest repeatedly as he babbled high-pitched noises that almost sounded like a disturbing kid song. Seungcheol was laughing when he grabbed his fists together, parting his legs the best he could so Jeonghan could fit there, and his eyelids were heavy in a relaxed ease when they looked at each other in the eyes again.

Jeonghan was still smiling big, heart throbbing in an unexplained excitement, but he found himself unable to say a word with the way Seungcheol was looking at him. 

— Jeonghan? 

He blinked slowly, eyelashes flickering at his cheekbones, and his voice sounded came out breathy. — Yes?

— Is a girl — Seungcheol murmured, cheeks raising as a smile crept through his lips. His voice was waving as much as Jeonghan's heart. — The baby. I will have a daughter, Han.

_ A baby girl. _

Jeonghan couldn't exactly explain what was this strange feeling spreading warmness inside him anymore. — That's... that's very good, Cheol. D-Do you and Mina came up with a name for her already?

And Seungcheol's smile got even wider, hands unconsciously pressing at Jeonghan's sides, who could swear his lungs forgot how to work properly for a spare second.

He didn’t want to think about what it means.

Seungcheol was practically glowing now, the smile and the way his eyes were sparkling fading away any sign of exhaustion from his face. The words came out sounding like a lullaby. — Misun. Choi Misun.

_ Misun _ . 

_ She could be Sunny to Jeonghan . Just like the sun. _

It was needless to say that he didn’t feel cold anymore.

  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey *inserts the embarrassed emoji here*  
> i know its been a while but i hope you guys enjoy this chapter with dad coups...... i guess????


	6. Inside Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aware of the fact that he was not even able to finish his coffee, Seungcheol rolled his eyes before following him to the hall, hands deep inside his jacket’s pocket while he side-eyed Jeonghan carefully. 
> 
> — Hannie…
> 
> — What? — he almost hissed, arms crossed over his chest as they waited for the elevator.
> 
> Swallowing down, Seungcheol’s final words come in tiny font.
> 
> — Are you really mad at me because I don’t know an One Direction song?

— Seungcheol, you absolute ass — Jeonghan hissed on the other side of the room, hands busy trying to untangle a connection of thousand different black wires cramped together. — I swear to God that I will throw all of this shit out as soon as we get home, trust me when I say.

Said man just rolled his eyes for what seemed to be the 36th time just in the last hour, pausing his task of filling a card box with all the things that laid on top of his small desk to walk towards Jeonghan, whose face sported an annoyed frown while handling the equipment way more harshly than Seungcheol’s blood pressure could stand.

— First of all, can you be more careful? — he quietly nagged, too tired to do it properly, hand coming from above Jeonghan’s shoulder to save the poor audio cables from his monstrous grip. — And second, you are not throwing anything away.

Jeonghan fixed him with a dirty look, eyes narrowed behind his messy and sweaty bangs that contrasted drastically with the white button-down shirt he was using, sleeves rolled until his elbows. — And why not?

Seungcheol sighed at the way his voice’s pitch already raised in annoyance. Letting both his arms fall helplessly at his sides, cables safe and sound in one of his hand, he tried his best to convince Jeonghan for the hundredth time that: — We are not throwing my things away just so we can fit all the boxes in your car at once, Jeonghan.

— But look! — he insisted while pointing to the box he was holding, filled until the top with an ocean of black and white extensions and cables that looked exactly the same. — You have so much of this already. We have more boxes with equipment than with your clothes. I’m sure you don’t need all of this.

Seungcheol crossed his arms, too little energy left on his body to pick up a fight. — That’s because, for some irrational reason that I don’t understand, you have almost a complete wardrobe full of just my clothes at your place — his lifeless voice retorted as he stepped ahead to get the box out of Jeonghan’s hands, placing the cable he rescued earlier safely at the top before turning back and walking towards his small living room. — And that’s all backup equipment for the studio. Jihoon will literally beat the shit out of me if it ends up in the trash.

Leaving the wires on top of the messy table of what previously was his dining room, Seungcheol looked around just to be greeted with a mess even bigger: his whole place was full of plastic bags and card boxes in different sizes and weights, some of them that couldn’t even be closed properly with the amount of things pushed inside, and, even if he was not actually the most organized person alive, his head spun around just upon thinking about all the work he would have with placing all of this in Jeonghan’s apartment.

And the blonde devil was right: out of the countless boxes and bags spread around the floor or hanging from doors, just three or four of them comprised Seungcheol’s personal things and clothes — and he was also serious when saying that he couldn’t understand how Jeonghan seemed to have more of his clothes than himself. Maybe it had something to do with Jeonghan stealing hoodies and baggy t-shirts from him since they were in elementary, alongside with the fact that Seungcheol would rarely go out to treat himself with shopping, but he couldn’t help but feel pouty about it now. Besides that, he was fast to get his face back to the impatient frown when Jeonghan followed him like a shadow and entered the small place, stumbling in the boxes almost in the same way Seungcheol would do with the socks and towels he used to throw on the floor, a habit he knew he would have to leave behind now that he’s living with Jeonghan.

— I’m surprised that the kitchen is the only place in here that is in order — Jeonghan commented, a tired sigh leaving his lips as he stepped closer. Seungcheol put a hand protectively on top of the box he rescued just in case he was still thinking about throwing it away. — I expected it to be stinking and covered with dirty plates of moldy pizza or some shit. Seungcheol spared an unconscious look behind his back to the tiny kitchen connected with the room, white tiles in the wall probably shining more than the ones in the bathroom.

He shrugged. — You know I like to cook. I can’t do it when it’s messy.

Jeonghan clunk his tongue. There was a persuasive nuance in his eyes. — And my kitchen is always dusty because I never use it. See? One more reason it will be better for us to move in together.

Seungcheol let out a laugh at his comment.

— Why are you still trying to convince me? — he raised an amused brow, leaning against the chair closest to him. The dim yellow light above their heads created shadows in Jeonghan’s face and, for some reason, Seungcheol couldn’t stop looking at him. — I already agreed on it.

— Yes, you did — Jeonghan agreed, pinky finger coming to move his bangs out from his eyes. The shadows danced along the ends of his hair now. — But it’s not like look very happy about it.

He knew that it was not what Jeonghan meant, but it almost felt like his lack of enthusiasm was fucking up the mood of something that was supposed to be fun for them. He means, who wouldn’t be excited about living together with your best friend? Isn’t it what all the teens plan to do? So why couldn’t he be happy about it too? The answer was simple: they were not kids anymore. And the reason he was moving in with Jeonghan had nothing to do with high-schoolers plans and dreams.

— I’ve been living here since I dropped out of college, Han — he replied. It was not the complete truth, but was not entirely a lie as well. — It’s not that easy for me to change like that. I don’t know, I think I just need some time to tie my head around the idea a little more.

Humming in understanding, Jeonghan slid until he was close to him, hips against the table and arms crossed over his social shirt. He allowed a moment of silence to rest around them and, when he talked this time, his voice had no hint of tease.

— I understand it, Cheollie — he mumbled, head tilting just a little to get a glimpse of Seungcheol’s face. He could feel he was being careful with his words. — But you know that you would have to move from here eventually, being it to my place or somewhere else. There’s no way you can raise the baby in here.

Seungcheol knew he was talking about the humidity and the mold in the walls, and about the way the whole place was just too small to fit someone else, and maybe even about the fact that pretty much all the money Seungcheol managed to make in the month goes into paying the rent of both the house and the studio, and there’s no way he would be able de secure everything that Misun will need when she is born. He knew all of this well enough, having thought about it countless times since he was told he would be a father, but he still found it hard to just couldn’t swallow down his pride so easily like that.

It had to be done though, because now it was not only a matter of what was good for him anymore: beside Misun, there’s still the promise he made to Jeonghan, probably the main reason why they were doing it right now. And like he said in the first time, he was still up to keep it.

— I don’t like the idea of you helping me with money — he started, and upon seeing the way Jeonghan impatiently rolled his eyes and was getting ready to throw a fist he quickly continued: — But I know there’s no other way, okay? So you don’t have to worry about me being convinced enough or not. I’m not going anywhere.

Jeonghan was still eyeing him from the side when Seungcheol turned back to finish closing the box from earlier, getting probably in the third roll of tape of the day to make sure it was all safe enough to be moved without opening midway. The tiredness in his bones seemed to be influenced by how cramped the room was, all of his surroundings so packed that he almost couldn’t see the way to the living room, especially with no lights coming from the windows since it was way past dinner time at this point.

His hair was clumped together with sweat and he doubted the white shirt he was using would turn back to its original color someday, his forearms painted in red marks from carrying heavy boxes during the whole day, right hand stained with black dots of the permanent marker he used to write what was inside them. Looking back at it, it seemed like the entire day passed in a blur, the images of all the work he had with packing everything and only getting Jeonghan’s help in the afternoon making his mind hazy with exhaustion. The only thing he could think about was showering and just falling asleep for two days straight.

 _At Jeonghan’s place,_ his inner self recalled. _With Jeonghan._

_Jeonghan._

Thinking about it now, Seungcheol couldn’t imagine how tired he must be as well. Even if he hadn’t done the labour all the way from the morning like Seungcheol, he still came to help after working the whole day at the company and Seungcheol was pretty sure he could only close the last box because Jeonghan pushed him to do it, all the energy he had gone long ago already.

And he was really about to move into Jeonghan’s apartment now. He was really doing it.

This part was just half-away processed.

— So can we finish taking it to the car already? — Jeonghan asked in a yawn, and Seungcheol could see his eyes getting that lazy aspect they would get every time he was tired. — I mean, I still vote for leaving these cables and connections behind, but…

Seungcheol rolled his eyes while practically dragging himself back to the living room, every step feeling heavy. — Yes, Jeonghan, we can start moving. No, we won’t leave anything here. I already told you what Jihoon will do with me if I throw it out.

— Well, why didn’t you call him to help then? — he heard Jeonghan complaining while following him around like a shadow, and Seungcheol was pretty sure he has a pout just by how whiny he sounded. — Even better: why don’t you just keep it at his place then? I’m sure he lives in somewhere bigger than here, even if you guys make the same money.

Seungcheol rolled his eyes again — he would be very close to getting vertigo if he kept doing this so often — and bent down to get two boxes stacked on top of the sofa that would be left behind. They were taking only what could fit in boxes and bags for now, and Seungcheol could bet the landlord wouldn’t complain too much about it.

— We do make the same amount of money, but I’m still the one who created the studio. I have to pay for the rent and bills there — he was walking towards the door blindly while explaining, and it didn’t take much until he felt Jeonghan’s hand holding his elbow to guide him safely to his car parked outside in silence. — And that’s why I can’t afford somewhere better, Mr Wealthy Asian Kid.

Jeonghan ignored the last part. — I thought the other ones helped as well?

— They do — Seungcheol placed the boxes down with a groan, his back screaming from doing the same motion repeatedly. His hands came to rest at his hips while he watched Jeonghan opening the door of the back seats, almost all filled up already, and breaking a sweat to make these extra ones fit together. — But Mark and Hansol are too young. I feel bad receiving money from them.

Jeonghan’s snort sounded more like a breathy groan, half of his body inside the car and fighting with the dozens of boxes they somehow managed to fit in earlier. — Stop being so soft-hearted, Cheol. — another groan, a genuine one this time. Seungcheol thought he heard something fall. — Just see it as if you are charging the rent of their PC rooms or something. It’s not that hard.

— It’s not a PC room, it’s an individual studio — Seungcheol corrected, Jeonghan’s voice saying _“whatever helps you sleep at night”_ coming from inside the car a minute later. He really had to hold himself back from kicking Jeonghan’s skinny ass that was practically hanging in the air from his pathetic position now. — Yah, since when do you like scamming teenagers? They have a part-time job in a pet shop. Do you think I would feel good taking the money they made by taking care of puppies?

— More like the money they made my cleaning pup’s shit all day — Jeonghan managed to re-surge alive from his battle with the card boxes just in time to hold a finger up. — And it’s not taking away, I’m not raising you to be a mercenary. As a businessman, you will be simply charging taxes.

Seungcheol was still standing dumbfounded in the middle of the pavement as he watched Jeonghan turn back to get inside the lodging Seungcheol used to call home again, his hair a complete mess but confidence unshakable. — I can’t believe I’m best friends with such a capitalist. What? Do I have to pay for the centimeters of toilet paper I will use at your place now too?

Jeonghan came back a moment later not with more boxes, but with his and Seungcheol’s bags thrown on each side of his shoulders, hands busy handing the two bunches of keys to Seungcheol — one of that he recognized as being his own, and the other one with a Hyundai logo stitched on a leather key chain.

— To answer your question: no, you don’t have to pay — he pressed the keys to Seungcheol’s chest when he made no move to grab it. Walking peacefully as if the first buttons of his social shirt were not lost in his combat in the back seat and his neck and face were not red from the effort, the way Jeonghan got into the passenger’s seat gracefully made it look like he was about to go into a carriage ride. — But you would know that if you had taken a copy of the essay I prepared with you, instead of running away from the coffee shop like a chicken about to be slaughtered.

Seungcheol was following his movements with his eyes only, arms hanging lifeless at his sides. — And what does it have to do with the keys?

Jeonghan sported a docile smile. It was never a good sign.

— See it as a way to redeem yourself — he explained, comfortably sitting down on his SUV with the bags resting at his laps. When he closed the door and saw the way Seungcheol was still staring at him without batting an eye, Jeonghan clunk his tongue in faux-annoyance. — What are you waiting for? Let’s go, _chauffeur._

Seungcheol could swear to God that if it was not for the fact that there’s not a single living force left inside his body, he would’ve unpacked his things back right at the spot.

But instead, he dragged his feet while sulking back to lock the front door, the fact that Jeonghan started to “pspsps” him to hurry up preventing him from thinking any further about leaving the place he called home for so long like that.

— I will make sure to rub my sweaty back against your leather seat as much as I can, trust me — Seungcheol grumbled while sitting down behind the wheel, pushing his hair back before turning the ignition on. — You will work every day smelling like a wet towel.

Jeonghan let out a huffed laugh and crossed his arms above his chest in a motion Seungcheol knew well enough as the “I’m getting ready to fall asleep” pose. — Let’s have you driving me to work every day then.

— As much as I would love to be your personal driver, I will have to decline — Seungcheol’s tired voice was no louder than a whisper, eyes focused on driving past the narrow street into the main road in what almost felt like an automatic mode. He was just too tired to think about anything besides the path to Jeonghan’s apartment. — When are we coming back to get the rest of the things?

But, of course, there’s still a minor part that still managed to think about all of this moving-out thing again.

— When we figure out where we will place all of this first — Jeonghan shrugged as he turned his head to find a comfortable position. — We have a spare room where some of these things can go, but I will think about it tomorrow.

Seungcheol couldn’t help but feel slightly anxious with the thought that they were just taking what was essential for now and so much would be left behind, because, if he was being honest, there’s still a little voice inside his head saying that it was just too hurried. And on another hand, he knew that the chances of him giving up if he had more time to think about it were too high to take a risk, so he was up to dealing with the uneasy feeling now instead of the regret that would come later if he refused not only Jeonghan’s proposal but also his help.

And, well, it was either Jeonghan or his parents.

 _Suddenly the first option doesn’t seem so bad anymore,_ he thought to himself ironically, an inner voice sounding bittersweet.

Stopping by a red light, Seungcheol took his eyes from the road only to spare a look at Jeonghan in the passenger’s seat, and he could automatically understand why most of his hoodies and warm clothes were under his possession now.

With his head hanging low, chin almost touching his chest and shoulders tightened together, frame looking somehow small, Seungcheol couldn’t help the desire of giving him something that would make him stop looking so thin and vulnerable of his surroundings — even if the biggest threat he could face now was the AC and the only thing Seungcheol could offer was his sweaty shirt, which he doubts Jeonghan would appreciate that much.

It was not like Seungcheol fitted in the caring type, as he would like to defend himself, because being the youngest in the family certainly made its points: it was easy to see him acting more easy-going and even childish sometimes, used to growing up as the cute baby at home, and in their friendship he never felt the need to look like a strict hyung even if his family treated Jeonghan like such a baby as well. Jeonghan always seemed to fit the responsible role more, often doing it for both of them. But Seungcheol noticed that, as he grew older, he slowly started to feel a certain joy in being more attentive and caring more about the ones around him, especially when he saw himself surrounded by the youngest kids like Hansollie and Mark. He kind of lost the track of when Jeonghan entered that list exactly, but his presence in there like a side-effect anyway.

Seungcheol wondered if it came in a good time, this short of sensibility. Would it help him in being a good father now?

The change, on the other side, was not completely easy — because of course Jeonghan, being the one and only Yoon Jeonghan, would always find a way to make Seungcheol feel awkward and even embarrassed every time the hyung side jumped out. Giving him the hoodies was the only way he found to make the devil-span accept his affection with no further comments on it.

Just like now.

— Keep your eyes on the road or else I will start reading the essay right now — and he didn’t even had to open his eyes to threat.

Sporting the biggest outraged expression he could, Seungcheol’s eyes widened to mask the heat rising to his cheeks from being caught. — Yah! Are you pretending to be asleep just so you don’t have to drive? I’m tired too!

Jeonghan held into his facade for a little longer before he left out a heavy sigh, moving to open his bag as Seungcheol watched him from the corner of his eyes, back to driving. — You leave me no choice then.…

— Are you serious? — Seungcheol shoots back, mentally thanking God because there’s not much traffic. He was sure he wouldn’t be able to deal with that too. — I will genuinely crash this car if you do it. Are you listening to me? I will crash the car, Jeonghan!

He didn’t have to turn his head to know that Jeonghan was shooting lasers through his eyes. — Try to do anything to my car and I will sell your PC room with everything inside included to make up for it.

Seungcheol looked beyond offended now, eyes going back and forth between the street ahead and Jeonghan’s unfazed expression. — We are not even married yet and you are already threatening my assets? — he shook his head while changing gear, voice dropping to a faux-disappointed tone. — What a great influence to my daughter.…

— What?

— Do you still dare to ask? — his voice was buried under a layer of mock contemplation. — She will probably poison me at the age of 13 just to buy a new phone if she stays around you for too long.

And saying this, for some unexpected reason, seemed to have hit something in Jeonghan.

— Don’t joke around about that! — he scolded while hitting Seungcheol’s arms, although his voice dropped to an almost resigned tone. — Try to keep my niece away from me and I swear-

— Jesus Christ, what’s up with you and all these threats today? — Seungcheol bursted out, even though the corner of his lips were curving in an amused smile from hearing Jeonghan talking like that. — What’s wrong, hm? Had a stressful day at work or something?

And to his surprise, the shot seemed to have been right. Tilting his head up against the seat, Jeonghan closed his eyes again, voice coming out in a mutter. — Yes, I had. So keep quiet and let me sleep if you don’t want to debut your first night in the new house sleeping on the couch.

It was needless to say that Seungcheol complied right away.

And they didn’t exchange a word again until Seungcheol parked in front of the apartment building, when the interaction consisted in Jeonghan doing a shameless imitation of an aegyo to convince Seungcheol that he was too tired to walk on his on, with the grab-hands and even the pout being used in his show — that didn’t work at all in the end. Probably only because Seungcheol was too tired to carry him, but he would not say it out loud.

— What about the boxes, then? — Jeonghan’s voice was tiny once they got in the elevator, butt pressed against the mirror tiredly and hands occupied only with the keys, since Seungcheol took the bags from him mid-way through the “carry me up” drama. — Don’t tell me you will make me get it in the morning.…

Seungcheol sighed quietly, thinking about it for a moment. There’s no way he would get back to get it now.

— I don’t know… don’t you have to work tomorrow?

— I do.

— I think it would be better if I drop you at work and go get Jihoon or some of the boys to help me out then — and looking back to Jeonghan with a hint of hesitation, he tested: — Is that okay for you? Can I borrow your car?

Jeonghan didn’t have to think much about it; in fact, he looked like he could not. — Yeah, great. I mean, it’s kinda ours now, I guess…

 _Yeah_ , Seungcheol agreed mentally, letting go of another tired sigh. _I guess too._

And it was strange to think with this type of uncertainty because, as soon as they got inside the apartment, it felt like they were already doing it for years.

Seungcheol leaving the bags on the sofa and moving automatically to the kitchen to drink water, Jeonghan following close behind but heading to the laundry room to get clean towels, both of them walking in the corridor at the same time and getting inside the bathroom and the main room respectively without even bumping into each other, the only contact being from when Jeonghan pushed one of the towels in Seungcheol’s open hand, who was already expecting for it. As if they’ve been living together and in perfect harmony since forever, doing it every day.

Deep down Seungcheol knew it was purely out of habit and familiarity. He and Jeonghan knew each other basically since the womb, and Seungcheol frequented Jeonghan’s place quite a lot, considering that they just saw each other once or twice a month, the frequency raising considerably in these last few weeks because of the recent events, so of course they worked well together. They practically lived together during their entire lives in some way.

Habit and familiarity, nothing more, he tried to sense out the annoying little voice in his head while rinsing out the shampoo. The same voice that would be responsible to repeat over and over again how nonsense was the fact that he was marrying his best friend in what seemed to be a tentative to drive him in complete madness — and that would normally result in that countless over-thinking sessions as a side effect.

If they were in that Inside Out movie, Seungcheol would easily tag that voice after Fear.

And Fear seemed to be screaming at the top of their lungs once Seungcheol stepped inside the room and saw Jeonghan already in his pajamas, sitting in the bed's corner, hair half-dried and tapping something that smelled like a lotion on his face. The words _“you look like a couple like that!”_ shot inside his brain in an ear-splitting shriek that was enough to make Seungcheol feel nauseous upon thinking about that in this kind of creep perspective.

He hated Fear and their panicked and paranoid ass a lot.

— Something’s wrong? — Jeonghan asked with his eyes already closed while laying down in the bed, voice hoarse and only half aware of Seungcheol’s weirdness; it was only then that he noticed he was still standing in the middle of the room, hands holding the ends of his cotton shirt and looking pretty much… well, _panicked_.

Coughing to swallow down the awkward ball in his throat and force himself to get back to normal, Seungcheol hurried to the other side of the bed which was closer to the window. — N-nothing. I’m just too tired, I guess…

Jeonghan only hummed, back turned to him, the small frame of his shoulders highlighted by the shadows created from both the dim light entering from the window and the bedside lamp, and he seemed to be waiting until Seungcheol laid down to whisper a soft: — Good night then, Cheol.

Allowing himself to melt in the pillow despite holding onto the blanket with both hands like a kid sleeping in his parent’s room for the first time, he replied an even weaker — Night, Hannie…

°°°°°°°

— Oh, great. You are finally here — it was how Jeonghan greeted him in the morning, clapping his hands together as soon as Seungcheol emerged from the bathroom. — C’mon, we can’t delay it anymore.

Walking towards the sofa with his eyes still half-closed and all the muscles in his body screaming for a pill, Seungcheol flapped down between the baby blue blanket and all the innumerous pillow without barely registering the sight of Jeonghan all dressed up in an elegant striped blazer, blonde hair perfectly parted in the middle and legs crossed one another as he followed Seungcheol’s movements with his eyes only, almost looking like a parent waiting for their kids to arrive home after a night out.

— Are you listening to me?

— No — he replied, face shoved between the fluffy baby blue blanket. Tilting up his head suddenly, Seungcheol opened only one of his eyes to spare a look at the big window that covered a full wall in the living room. — Oh my God, how can you look so collected already? It’s fucking dawn — and traveling his eyes back to Jeonghan, his next question almost sounded like an accusation. — And since when are you allowed to drink coffee?

Jeonghan just rolled his eyes.

— It’s not coffee, grumpy — placing the cup down, he pointed at Seungcheol with a stack of papers rolled in hand. — And don’t complain about it now. You were the one who offered to drive me to work today.

Letting out a groan that almost sounded like a cry, Seungcheol allowed his face to fall between the pillows again. — How much time do we have left?

He couldn’t remember the last time he woke up this early, to be honest. Getting to the studio at 10 a.m every day, the only occasions in which he would be up so early was when he worked overnight.

He could hear the rustle of a chair being pushed back before Jeonghan replied. — About half an hour or so. Now sit down, we have things to discuss.

Face still in a frown, bangs wet from when he washed up in an attempt to feel less sleepy that clearly didn’t work out, Seungcheol knew he really was the definition of grumpy when his voice came out almost in a whine.

— What you’re talking about?

Only to regret it a second later.

With the best house-seller smile he could sport, Jeonghan approached like he was just waiting for the perfect timing to act out his plan — and like it wasn’t 6:45 a.m in a fucking Friday. He sat in the sofa’s arm that was closest to the place Seungcheol found himself spread over and, using the papers rolled in hand, Jeonghan slapped the back of his tights.

— Sit up! — he complained, high-pitched whine upon not getting the attention he wanted. — We have some reading to do!

Seungcheol genuinely had to reunite all the will-power inside his body to turn over and sit his ass properly on the sofa, fixing a suspicious glare at Jeonghan during the process. Said man just smiled softly in response, like he hadn’t just smacked him to showcase his dictatorial tendencies before passing him the same papers that he used as a weapon.

Seungcheol was too sleepy and too grumpy to notice the trap he was getting himself into, but, once he did, it felt like a trip to hell in the economic class with no return ticket.

— Oh, no, no. We are not doing it now — Seungcheol strongly refused the damn essay while shaking his head to the point of getting dizzy, rolling the papers again and honest-to-god ready to pretend he never saw them before. — It’s too early for it, Jeonghan. There are people who didn’t even have coffee yet.

Fixing him a bored look, Jeonghan got up and walked to the table again, getting back with another blue mug in hands, gentle steam dissipating at the top. His next words sounded almost like a hiss. — Now open the essay, dickhead.

Seungcheol would throw a tantrum if it was not for the fact that Jeonghan was holding a hot liquid dangerously close to his face and didn’t look like he would accept no as an answer, so he just swallowed down the bitter taste of oppression and took the mug and the damn papers again, sulking while obediently taking a sip of the strong coffee. 

Jeonghan groaned in annoyance.

— Oh God, it’s not like these are the marriage papers already. Stop sulking! I won’t let you throw away my three hours work just like you did in the coffee shop in the other day — he censors hastily. — I spent an hour just on Photoshop making the cover!

— And why do you think I’m so scared? — Seungcheol bicker. — Tell me honestly, how bad is it?

Jeonghan gasped with great offense.

— It is not bad! Okay, listen, — he changed the approach, sitting on the sofa's arm but with his legs on top of Seungcheol’s lap, low-key trying to prevent it if he tried to run away and high-key hoping it would make him look more persuasive. — We will have to discuss these things eventually anyway, Cheol. Don’t you think it’s better to do it now, since we are already here and I prepared everything?

Seungcheol stared at him for almost a full minute before wincing, a bit more convinced, but not any less unhappy than before. He hesitantly unrolled the papers again and, with his eyes slowly leaving Jeonghan’s face as he did so, he furrowed his brows in suspicion. — You are really enjoying this whole dollhouse thing, aren’t you? And I thought that- _ Oh my God. _

_ He saw it. He saw the cover.  _

Remember the corny Pinterest pic that he thought about? The one that only the thought was enough to make him so scared about seeing the actual cover? Well, Jeonghan managed to make it  _ way  _ worse than that.

Because what he chose to go right under the entitled “JeongCheol marriage plan” wasn’t a simple picture of a  newlyweds car, but one of a male couple using wedding suits with white flowers on the front pocket, holding hands while looking at the camera.

_ With his and Seungcheol’s faces photoshopped into them. _

— Fuck — it was everything Seungcheol managed to breathe out, deadpanned. — This is so much worse than I thought, Jeonghan.

Smiling with great mirth, Jeonghan couldn’t look more proud as he excitedly flipped over to the first page like he has been waiting for that moment forever — and judging by how much he was obsessed with reading it since yesterday, Seungcheol could bet he was.

— That’s not even the best part yet. Look! — he pointed out, another hand coming to rest at Seungcheol’s shoulders to get support as he bent himself more. — I even wrote it in a purple color and in a calligraphy-like font! Doesn’t it remind you of something?

Looking up to his expectant eyes, the answer was as clear as the sky outside their window.

_ It was the letter, of course.  _ Seungcheol wrote the birthday letter to him in a lilac paper.

And although the situation made him worry more about Jeonghan’s mental health —  _ who the fuck would be so excited over a fake marriage plan? _ —, Seungcheol couldn’t deny that it was hard to be even slightly mad when Jeonghan looked so enthusiastic like that. He actually appreciated the fact that Jeonghan really put some thought on organizing everything and he had to admit that it was also kinda cute, so Seungcheol tried to make an effort.

Coughing to mask a fond smile, he looked up to Jeonghan’s now hopeful eyes again. — Can we start then?

Jeonghan’s entire face brightened out instantly.

— Yes! First page, please — he requested proudly. — Read it out for everyone, will you?

Seungcheol rolled his eyes despite letting out a soft huff of laughter. Jeonghan was really enjoying it.

— So… — he cleared his throat, getting ready. —  _ JeongCheol Project part one: creating the lovey-dovey _ . First of all, what the fuck?

Jeonghan’s grin didn’t falter even a bit and, tapping his foot at Seungcheol’s thigh, he gesticulated for him to go on.

Swallowing down something that tasted like the unholy apple and with the previous lapse of contribution falling apart, Seungcheol was back on expecting for the worst. 

—  _ Step one: choosing the couple’s song. _ Okay, listen here, — he turned around, holding up a finger. — This is going too far. Do you think we are in an episode of The Perfect Dress or some shit? Why the fuck do we need a song?

Rolling his eyes like Seungcheol was purposefully acting like the most unromantic man in the world, Jeonghan sucked in a breath with impressive patience. — If we want people to believe that we are a couple, even if it’s just our parents, we need the cheesy shit. They love to ask about it.

And just like that, a wondering piece seemed to finally fall into place. 

— I didn’t know we would have to act like a couple.

Jeonghan looked at him like he was just straight-up dumb this time. — Well, no one goes out there marrying their friends, Seungcheol.

The latter crossed his arms, sulking once again.  — But you are marrying a friend.

— Yeah, and that’s only because I’m going through a mid-life crisis right now. It was either marrying you or tattooing an Adele song in my forearm — Jeonghan patted his head in a comforting manner. — And I kind like the concept of the aunt that has 3 divorces on her back more. Now, can you keep reading?

Not that this was the only reason for it, and they both knew it, but it was not entirely a lie.

Seungcheol was still grumping while flapping the papers down. 

— I still don’t get it. Who would ask for a song? — but it took only one significant look from Jeonghan for the answer to speak itself into existence. — Oh, right. My mom would.

— And that’s why we need to set these little details. I wrote some suggestions. We can pick one of them.

— Okay, let’s see…  _ option one: Boss Ass Bitch by Nicki Minaj _ — Seungcheol’s voice sounded completely emotionless while reading, almost like a robot. He was very close to losing it at this point. — Wow. So…. romantic.

Jeonghan frowned at the lack of enthusiasm, but he stayed strong at his mission. — Keep going, you may like the next one.

Seungcheol refrained from stating out loud that the idea sounded impossible.

—  _ Option two: Decode by Paramore _ — he reads, and this time he actually took some time to think about it. Jeonghan's smile grew bigger at each second he passed staring blankly at the paper. — Hold on, isn’t it that one Twilight song?

_ So that was a “no” _ . Jeonghan pursed his lips, still holding onto the last string of hope. — Option three is Kiss You.

The title was enough to bring a grimace to Seungcheol’s face. — By who?

— Oh, for fuck’s sake! One Direction, you uncultured ass! — Jeonghan was the one to lose it first, hands flapping exasperatedly. — You know what? — he took the papers away from his grip. — You are a producer, aren’t you? Write a song for us and let’s call it a day. I can’t be the only one doing all the work in here.

Seungcheol bewilderedly watched as Jeonghan got up and walked towards the table again, his features frozen in a confused frown until the idea finally sunk in. — Wait, hold on. Do you really want me to do it? To write a song…. for us?

Jeonghan snorts.

— I’m sure your mom will thrive at the idea of a self-made couple song, so why not? — he shoots simply, pushing some things inside his bag with probably more strength than necessary. — Now move your lazy ass from there, we need to get going and I don’t want to be late. 

Seungcheol got up purely out of the habit of being ordered around by Jeonghan, but it was already too late to come back and try to make up for his lack of self-preservation. 

— Wait, that’s it? — he asked while following a serious-faced Jeonghan to the door. — That’s the reading that you almost kicked my ass to do all about? Song’s picks? Then when are we talking about serious stuff like money and-

— Geez, chill out. I just wanted to see your reaction to the edit on the cover.

— You- What?!

— We can talk about these boring stuff once you settle down — Jeonghan said dismissively, like he was not the one creating a whole scene before. — Now, can we get going, _ chauffeur _ ?

Seungcheol wondered if someday he would finally be able to not give a single shit about Jeonghan’s diabolic tendencies anymore; this day seemed to be more 25 years away from now.

Aware of the fact that he was not even able to finish his coffee, Seungcheol rolled his eyes before following him to the hall, hands deep inside his jacket’s pocket while he side-eyed Jeonghan carefully. 

— Hannie…

— What? — he almost hissed, arms crossed over his chest as they waited for the elevator.

Swallowing down, Seungcheol’s final words come in tiny font.

— Are you really mad at me because I don’t know an One Direction song?

— Yah!


End file.
